There only was one choice

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

RAINBOW CONNECTION

Sorry it's been a little while since the last post. It's been quite a few weeks. Rescuing damsels in distress, spending a week in Maine, running across I-93, getting screamed at by a national radio personality, and working on finding gainful employment. I'm following up on several good leads and know without question that in about six to eight weeks I'll have a job, no doubt, the problem is, I only have about three or four weeks, that will become a problem, it's really a matter of just a little more time and no more money, maybe we can find something in the meantime, I dunno.

It's NYE again, I was originally supposed to go the my roommates ski house, can't afford it, then down to New Haven, plans changed, back up to NH for a Clark campaign NYE party, that fell through too, and it's too late to reschedule and finally plan for a train trip to Hew Haven, so, as per usual I'll be alone on New Years, that's bothersome but I suppose if I can have fun and find a way to look at it positively it'll be ok. I really really feel like 2004 is going to be my year, just a gut feeling.

Anyway not much more to report I could go into detail on the last two weeks, and on job prospects but I think I won't also could go into the Pats, Catching Saddam and a few other things but I'll just end it hear, Happy New Year to all

posted by Adam Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Monday, December 15, 2003

LOOSING MY RELIGION

Or my mind, one of the two. The party this weekend was ok, met some good people Chris and Elanie came for a bit, as did Steve and Kevin bu I felt like they didn't have a great time and that's a shame, plus I just felt like it reminded me how much my life isn't in Bosotn any mroe, I want so badly to get out, but i have no where to go, no where abut Maine that is, and that is even less of an option.

I thought things were looking up on Friday job wise, had a couple of great conversations with a few people who appeared able and willing to help me, some good new ideas, or so they seemed, but with each new promising idea is a hard thud when my hopes come crashing down around me, phone call after phone call, email after email and NO ONE calling or emailing back, it's like I am completely irrelevant to the whole world, a nothing, somone the world has no use for and that's a really depressing feeling. which makes sense since I am constantly depressed lately, I am feeling sad and angry and don't even want to leave my room. I want so badly to be gone from Boston, from Maine, I want to be somehwere new, with a fresh start, but I can't make anyone hire me and I am broke, more broke than I've ever thoght I would be, which means I will loose this palce soon and there is nothing I can do about it, I can't find any part time work, nor any real work, every turn is just another door slamming in my face.

I've been trying to stay faithful to G-d lately but so often I jsut want to scream at Him for being the sick sadistic bastard I feel like He is. I don't deserve this, I don't deserve to suffer like this, and then I feel gulty because maybe it's all some twisted test of faith, and because I know that so many people have a lot worse challenges in life, people I'd love to be able to help, IF ONLY I COULD GET A FUCKING JOB!!!!!!!!

posted by Adam Monday, December 15, 2003

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU

Apparently that's what Vice President Gore is telling Howard Dean today. I've made no secret that out of the fact that I don't like Dean, I think he's a faux liberal and that bothers me, that said being endorsed by Gore, who I don't trust further than I can throw him, makes the game over. Dean is going to be nominee, no ifs ands or buts, it's over. The only thing that could make this a race again would be President Clinton endorsing Gen. Clark but that is highly unlikely. Here's all I'll say about Dean now, no matter how I feel about him he is going to be opposing W in a few months and the Democratic party had better get behind him NOW, don't beat the hell out of one another, don't let W sit back and fill his coffers even more. The other need to drop out and coronate Dean now for the sake of the party, this is the one things Republicans do very well and we need to take their example. We need to get behind him now and give him our time, money, energy, whatever Dean needs, because though I can't be inspired by him or any of the others, the most important thing is ending the conservative stranglehold on our government, if the party says Dean is the guy, then Deans' the guy, it's that simple.

posted by Adam Tuesday, December 09, 2003

IS IT WRITTEN IN THE STARS? (from the Broadway Musical Aida)

An appropriate question for today. I've been doing a very large amount of writing lately. I have chosen to work on a book whose attempt will be to inspire young people to get engaged politically, non-partisan mind you, I figure book number 2 can be why young people should be liberal. I am also working on writing a musical, moderniziing an old classic and showing that its message is still incredibly relevant today, not that I am at all comparing my ability to Jon Larson's but I figure my idea is to do for Fiddler what Rent did for La Boheme

I've also grabbed the bull by the proverbial horns, sending out more resumes, got a great lead from Reich that may lead to something, and spoke today to a company out of NYC that provides a two year fellowship to young people with an idea for a non-profit, I may just write a proposal to bring the Summer Vision program from Maine to a big city, i.e. Boston or San Fran, and see what happens, sometimes I guess you have to make your own magic.

I posted something on the APDA forum about why I was leaving the circuit and have gotten several very nice emails from people, some who I know well, some who I did not, but it was nice to know that I had an impact on some of them I will miss it, but it really is time to say goodbye.

Christmas party, Saturday Dec. 13th at the apartment, wanna come, email me :)

posted by Adam Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Saturday, December 06, 2003

RESPECT

The American Parliamentary Debate Association (APDA) has been a major part of my life for the last six years now. It has brought me the friends I hold dearest in my life and has given me countless unforgettable experiences and the Brandeis team is as close as you can get to family without actually being so. But today I stepped foot in my last round of APDA debate ever. Normally when a debater graduates they will attend tournaments near where they live to judge, giving of their own time and experience, and in return are treated with respect which they deserve. Part of that respect is shown in the judging assignments that are handed out. For the last few tournaments I have attended I have seen rounds that are what most would consider mediocre at best, horrid at worst. When I finally pushed as to why that was today at MIT I was told that several teams had scratched me (preferred I not judge them) now that's fair, I think I am very fair judge, which may be part of the problem, the "good" teams never like a fair judge because they might loose, that said I was also told I was tiered for my ability as a second level judge, as opposed to many recent grads who had judged very few tournaments in comparison with my experience who were seeing great rounds all weekend, I have been on APDA for six years and have now probably judged more rounds than I competed in and people treat me like a joke. I know I'm old, fine, I actually find that kind of funny HOWEVER when others who hung on a lot longer than I have, came to judge they were at least treated respectfully, that's what hurts, this group that has given so much to me, and to whom I have given so much over the years is now treating me like a joke, I'm done, I don't need that in my life.

On a much happier note, I know the snow is hard to drive/walk in, but man I LOVE winter

posted by Adam Saturday, December 06, 2003

Thursday, December 04, 2003

THE MAN'S TOO STRONG

The man is, indeed, too strong, or so it seems. I just got a call from an interview I had the other day. The job was interviewing people over the phone to see if they'd be good candidates for market research studies. Cheap pay, easy as hell, good hours, full time and stable. The who called me informed the positions had been filled. I was kind of surprised I couldn't even get this job so I asked her if I wasn't qualified or if my interview was not positive, she told me no "in fact you are over-qualified" I replied by being blunt and saying look, I probably am over-qualified but being over-qualified doesn't pay my rent, she said she sympathizes but can't hire me because she needs someone she is sure will be with the company long term. I suppose on some level that makes sense but still, I mean I can't even get a TELEMARKETING JOB because I'm "OVER-QUALIFIED" I just want a job, any job, damn it this isn't fair I am too qualified for the menial jobs and not qualified enough for the good jobs, what the hell is in the middle?

Sorry to sound so bitter and angry but this just sucks and there is nothing I can do about it, I am already doing it all, doesn't help that I am going through serious sugar withdrawal from this diet.

posted by Adam Thursday, December 04, 2003

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

MONEY TALKS

Gotta love the pointedness of AC/DC.

Sorry it's been a few weeks but things have been very hectic, which is good

Home for the holidays, my cousin had a beautiful wedding on the Saturday after thanksgiving. Both my brother and I, and my sister and I had great conversations about our relationships.

I've been hitting the pavement hard looking for work, nothing yet, but soon hopefully.

I've got a busy few days planned with a couple of dates, the MIT tourney where I will reappear on APDA and a few other things

I've started the South Beach Diet, now to get the exercise I need.

That's all for now, I must say I am not feeling as devoted to this page as I did a while ago, that's ok though, I will probably post occasionally till I feel compelled to devote more time to it, until then if you want to know what's going on email or call me.

posted by Adam Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Friday, November 21, 2003

THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN'

For years now I've had periods of "alright it's diet time". I actually stuck to it for about two months once, lost nearly 50 lbs. Today though I realized something. I don't like the way I look, that negative image of myself makes me portray myself negatively to others, kills any confidence I should deservedly have in myself and sabotages my own success. May 20th 2004 will be three years since I left Brandeis, by that date I will look, and feel like a very different person, I know many of you have heard this before, but it is going to happen, because it has to, it is, in the end, a matter of life and death.

I also am done using my sight as an excuse for everything, for my weight, for my laziness, for not having a job, for not having a girlfriend, any of it. I need to just accept it. It's funny because I've said I am grateful for my sight, even actually thanked G-d for it, but i haven't in myself, accepted it and said "ok, so that's your reality, now stop bitching about it and work around it" It's time I do that too.

posted by Adam Friday, November 21, 2003

Thursday, November 20, 2003

EASY STREET

That's where I'd like very much to find myself. Yet since I've been back from my little junket south of the Mason-Dixon I find myself sitting here trying desperately day after day to write the needed cover letters for various applications. I've finally done it, I took the merged letters to Kinkos, only to get a call this morning that for some reason they can't do what I need done and to beat it all my printer has decided it would prefer not to take messages to print from my computer, to say I feel like the world is conspiring to keep me jobless is a vast understatement. I am trying to remain centered, not to get angry but I just feel such despair, I feel like I am never going to have that feeling of success that every human yearns for.

I am looking forward to the upcoming holiday season for the first time in a long time. It will be the last Thanksgiving in Maine. We are having a Christmas party at the apartment which is shaping up to be one hell of a shin dig. And for the first time in close to five years, my New Years plans seem like they will actually be enjoyable.

I am not sure with is happening with a job on one of the Presidentials but I am traveling to NH this weekend to volunteer my time.

My relationship with G-d has not weakened at all but for whatever reason it hasn't been foremost in my mind as I'd like it to be, I kind of miss our late night talks. I guess I am feeling pretty run down by the end of the day, spending ten hours a day in front of my computer looking for job leads is very draining, and so I've just been collapsing at night, I need to work on that.

I enjoy my roommates a lot but I also have been feeling very lonely lately, the people in this world that matter the most to me just aren't near Boston, save two really, anymore and that's hard for me.

I want very much to be in San Fran, I'm finding myself submitting applications for jobs I am seriously over-qualified for, jobs that I'd not apply for if they were Boston based, I am just ready for a change, and the fact that my little brother just told me he's moving to San Diego in six months and Dad is still planning to head to Zona, maybe the Zimmermans are moving West, I sure hope so, soon at least for me.

posted by Adam Thursday, November 20, 2003

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

NOVEMBER RAIN

We didn't win, I'm not sure what more I can say, it was close, very close, John didn't want a recount, it seems it wouldn't have mad a difference anyway it's a shame for Cambridge, for John, his supporters and for my wallet.

The next day I headed for Florida, had a great flight and a good week. Took in Miami Law, not sure it made me want to go to law school myself but man, law students stress way too much, for me at least much of what I saw was simply rather intuitive and not worth wasting 12 hours a day with my face in a book.
Then it was on to Boca for three days, great times with Eric and his family, wow if I thought the house in Maine was big, this thing is unreal it was like staying a hotel. Anyway despite their tiny stature his mom's four dogs are adorable. Spent time with some of his friends, who are good people even if ideologically wrong-headed went to a great dueling piano bar literally on the he beach in Boca, also saw mystic river since it was raining Monday, solid movie, twisted and Tim Robbins does a great Boston accent.
Got a chance to see cousin Eric and his fiancee' and their 3 year old nick, it was really cool, also saw my cousins from NY which again, was great.

Now back in Boston, just before I left we had an attempted break in at the apartment, everything is fine but Sarah, who was home when they tried to break into her room was a bit shaken by it, understandably so. It is good to be home here, and it is even better to feel like this apartment is home, thanks to my roommates.

Looks as though I may be headed for NH soon, we'll see, not sure if I want that but a jobs a job

posted by Adam Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Sunday, November 02, 2003

8 DAYS A WEEK

It's early Sunday morning, I am at the office, working on coming up with a phone list for calling for the next two days. I've been working very hard, as I should be, lately. Hard enough that despite my advice not being listened to, my candidate being awfully rude to myself and some other folks, we may just win on Tuesday. There won't be much sleep between now and 8pm Tuesday but, by 4:30 pm Wednesday afternoon I'll be Miami bound. That's right, I realized I just need an escape for a few days, for mental health. I don't want to think about impending unemployment, bills, I just want to unwind from the campaign. I'll be doing that by spending some time with Schteino and Easy E, along with Cousin Eric and his fiancee and her son as well hopefully getting to see Judy, Elliot, and Francy, they are three of my cousins several times removed but I've always been very close with the New York cousins, all of whom are now living in South Florida, ah Boca, where all good Jews go to die.

Good call by lil' Theo calling Manny's bluff, now let's hope we can find someone to take the overgrown 12 year old with the 20 million a year salary and amazing stroke.

Listening to Sunday Morning Blues on ZLX while I work, man I love this music it evokes so much passion, wish I had that kind of passion for this job, and for politics in general like I used to, but that seems to have hit a lull, which to be honest I am not sure I'll ever come out of.

T-Minus 57 hours and counting..........

posted by Adam Sunday, November 02, 2003

Saturday, October 25, 2003

THE JOKER

I have to wonder why it is I always try to tell people the same warn out stories that I find funny, and most people find funny too, problem is some of them are simply fabrications and nearly all of them do not paint in a very flattering light, why then do I utter them within my first interactions with so many people. I think it has a lot to do with wanting to be accepted, even if it as a goofball. Perhaps it is because, for all of my recent self-awareness I still don't actually like myself all that much and so I figure if I don't spin tales there isn't much else there for people to like. I think we all do this to a degree and it is something I have most definitely improved on lately but still it persists in general and that does need to change even more.

This diet thing might kill me, but I've been doing quite well, despite the intense pain my body has been racked with since I started lifting weights.

So, ten days from now John will either be a city councilor or not and either way I will be without employ, that's ok though I plan to give myself a few days to wind down and then come Monday the 10th hit the pavement hard-core. The Brandeis tournament should be a nice break from all of it.

Having dinner with a friend tonight who, to be honest, I'd rather were more than a friend, but I have no idea where she is with that concept, just play it cool Zim, see what happens.

Last night I was watching the Elizabeth Smart thing on TV, man, there is something insidious about having this fifteen year old girl interviewed for the nation to see after what she went though, and the fact that her family is making money off it, also seems very wrong, there's something about her father that just screams either religious zealot or just general slimeball, she's been through enough in her life let the girl alone.

I love W, so he is trying to spin the Iraq effort as an international coalition, those 55 Estonian troops, now that's massive international cooperation if ever I've seen it. I mean come on seriously this jackass even if four countries gave us $1 and 5 troops he'd call that a rousing success. I know all politicians spin but the sad part if people are buying it. No wonder the line of work I've loved for so long is making me sick, this is what it all comes to, spin spin spin and lie to the people, I'm not interested in it any more.

posted by Adam Saturday, October 25, 2003

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

SHACKLED

So many of us are shackled in our lives, be it to a job, a pattern we just can't get out of, but do we choose those shackles, can we break them if we try hard enough, or are we fated to wear them for all time. I hope the answer is the former, I believe it is, because the alternative is terrifying isn't it?

This tops has been brewing for awhile now. The Sox lost again, not only is that a hopeless pattern but it's something that despite the glee and hopeful praying of Red Sox Nation, we all knew it couldn't happen, I mean I made my last post three innings before Boone's home run, but we, collectively, just knew.

I've also been watching someone that I care about repeat a pattern a lot, she feels used for her body, by a guy she's been seeing, he makes her cry far more than he makes her smile and yet, each time he calls she goes running back and hops inevitably into bed with him. I feel bad for her because no matter how logically she and I talk about, she stills make the painful, and for her wrong, choice each time, I wish I could do something to help her, it hurts me to see her hurting herself, and it makes me want to strangle the SOB whose making her feel like that, the true problem of it all is, it's not unique to this guy or this girl, it's a pattern so many women who deserve so so much better, fall into.

Work has been good, even if monotonous, I've also been working hard on trying to develop solid leads post November 5, nothing yet, but I feel like it will happen,.

I think Dad is finally going to find his own place, it's about damn time . I t seems to be upsetting my sister but all in all we all know it's long over due, and it just means Dad can finally move to Zona like he wants in a few more months, and finally be happy, which he, of all people, really does deserve

My eyes have acting up a bit lately, the sight's ok but I think all the stress of work and finding a new job is making my blood pressure go up a bit.

Apples for desert, grilled chicken and vegetables for dinner, salad for lunch, and I don't hate it, what's wrong with me?

I guess if I can stick to this little meal plan, maybe we aren't permanently shackled after all

posted by Adam Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Thursday, October 16, 2003

So I guess this is the Sox eulogy, they had this game, it's still going on, they are goign to the bottom of the ninth right now, but it's over, everyone knows it, everyone can feel it, the Red Sox will do it next year, maybe? All I know is this one hurts, hurts a lot

posted by Adam Thursday, October 16, 2003

PLEASE COME TO BOSTON

That right there is what every single member of Red Sox Nation is hoping the Marlins (who buy the way had no business of beating the cubbies) will be doing after tomorrow night. Somehow, against all odds and my own beliefs, they did it today. Now the Red Sox fan in me knows not to set myself up for heartbreak, while my heart wants so badly to believe, my head knows I'll be left in shreds by midnight tomorrow if I do.

Reich was moderating a panel tonight for a city council debate, it always makes me feel really wonderful when he seeks me out in a crowd, I mean tonight to say he came bounding up to me as soon as I walked in would not be overstating it, I can't tell you how amazing that makes me feel, oh and John did very well at the debate.

So I haven't heard back from Maya since calling her Monday night, that's worrisome, perhaps I fucked up again?

I have got to do laundry, it's been close to a month already.

So we have one intern who reminds me so much of a Harry Chapin song, "She is always 17" we used to say that about Brandzy, and it's true, but this young lady, Ivona, is sophomore at Harvard and is, in fact from Croatia, and is also in fact 17, yes she is very intelligent and so enthusiastic, she's promised me 45 votes from Harvard students, if she can actually do that we just may win despite our absolutely insane volunteers. You go girl

I didn't know the girl from Brandeis who died in the tragedy off the Cape this week, but my thoughts and prayers will be with her family, how awful, not only did they loose their daughter this week but her older brother was taken from them in the 9/11 attacks,. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like, so so sad, that's all that can be said.

posted by Adam Thursday, October 16, 2003

Monday, October 13, 2003

DIRTY WATER

How I love that dirty water, OH BOSTON YOU'RE MY HOME!
2-2, Lowe going at home, I like our chances baby. I should comment briefly about Game 3, is it wrong to pitch inside, no, is it wrong to bean a guy on the back, yes, if you are throwing at him, was Pedro throwing at him, probably, but then again Pedro is a VERY smart pitcher and it made no baseball sense to do so. Was Don Zimmer wrong to go at Pedro, yes, was Pedro wrong to treat him like the charging bull he was NO! Were Nelson and Garcia acting like thugs by beating up a guy doing his job and also rooting for the team paying his salary, yes. enough said

Harvard tourney was ok, I only made one day, had a more pressing matter on Saturday, more on that later. I saw some people I had wanted to see, was a bit put off by the rounds I got, not that they were bad, but given that Russo is the only judge there with more experience than I it made no sense for me to have a 1-1 round third round at a 160 team tournament.

long but good day of work today, we finally got a second computer. I really don't know what is going to happen but I do feel like I have the respect of people who were at first very skeptical about John hiring me, and the fortune cookies tonight were good so we shall see, three weeks out now.

Yesterday was great, I did nothing at all, did cook though, trying to diet again, tonight's dinner didn't help but I am really trying, will power, will power, where fort art thou will power?

So Maya and I watched the Sox game together Saturday, she lives really close by, and is even cuter than I remembered from the T, we had a good time and went and got some Indian food for dinner taking it back to my place and talked a lot, it was nice. I am not sure what will happen, I mean, she is just getting out of a long thing now, and I am not sure how it really went, but I feel good, and we do plan to hang out again soon. Just maybe, no pressure though, that's the key, wait and see, that's all.

So I bumped into an old friend on the he street, she is trying to get me to help out Clark, as is Dave, but I don't know, he just doesn't make me go "wow now there's a guy I'd be proud to have as our President, I am glad he does that for my friends, and Dean does it for some others but I can not put my heart and soul into something I don't believe in, and if I am going to work on a campaign I have to be able to put my all into it, at least emotionally, give me a reason to be inspired and I'll bleed for you, don't and I won't raise a finger.

posted by Adam Monday, October 13, 2003

Thursday, October 09, 2003

ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER

Wow another title with so many meanings. First and foremost they did it, I thought "Wakefield going in game one, no way" but the knuckle broke right, the middle of the order accounted for four of the five runs and the bullpen held it together, it's only one but man what a sweet one it is, win one more and then it's up to Pedro it really could happen, you gotta believe.

We set goals tonight, for the number of votes in each precinct that we need to get to put John over the top, some ambitious, some not so, but all reachable and all of them would ad up to a winning campaign, exciting for me too that I got to really be the one guiding that process.

Ali and I talked today, which is good, I've got to find a way to really get over her for both of our sakes, but how can you simply get over someone who means the world to you, I just have to, that's all there is to it.

Bill O'Reily is such a slime ball, he refers to anyone who dares challenge him as "defamers" (this putz makes up words left and right), claims to be ideologically neutral and yet I have NEVER heard him say good things about liberals or bad ones about right-wingers. When a caller praises him without sighting facts he extols his own virtues and probably pushes his book or his freaking doormats, but when a caller dares challenge the King of all Ego he bullies them or just hangs up. I mean this guy is just about as low as it gets, "ok?", "alright?", "I'm just lookin' out for you."

I am going to the Harvard tourney this weekend, it will be good to get to see the Brandeis kids, meet the novii and of course judge as well

So a girl I met on the T a while back just emailed me tonight, I guess we are going to go out sometime soon, pretty surreal and out of the blue, who knows.

Everyone with these blog things seems to put a comment field, a title or links in their entries, I'd love to do that but haven't the foggiest clue how one would do it, I so need to learn computer programming, but hey, I can now do mail merges and navigate Access like a champ.

I feel bad, my roommate is really not liking her job, she's a recent college grad and has kid of been given baptism by fire at a good sized law firm downtown, she's a paralegal and she feels in over her head. She's worried if she tells people that they may fire her, I am going to try and make a few calls for her to see if we can't find her something that will make her happier

Grahms is out of the race for the Democratic nod, who knew he was in? On that note, can someone explain o me why, for any good reason, I as a proud liberal should be inspired by ANY of the nine remaining candidates, I mean they are all better than the Shrub but wtf, we used to have visionaries, inspirational people in our party, did they all die, Senator Wellstone you may have been the last, hard to believe it was a year almost that we lost you.

Today was two years since Lance died, wow that hardly seems possible. For those who don't know me Lance was my 10 1/2 year old golden, he died at a particularly bad time for me and it was that event that caused me to turn my back on G-d for about 18 months of my life. Lance was the best, really dumb about some things, brilliant in other ways and he never did quite understand he wasn't still a puppy, that day will live forever in my mind but so will so many of the good days with my buddy, my desktop now is a picture of me, at age 12 with him asleep on my lap at five weeks old. I miss you Lance

Long entry today, goodnight all

posted by Adam Thursday, October 09, 2003

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

BACK IN BLACK

Ok, so that kind of assumes I'm wearing black, which I'm not but anyway, you get the point.

Where have I been for two months? Working, working HARD and working well. I'm at a really good place on several fronts.

The campaign is going well, it is very hard work but only one month to go and I feel like we just may pull this thing off. I've also come to realize that I was slightly unfair to the Reich campaign, with any amount of responsibility comes stress, I didn't handle that stress so well on the Reich campaign, I think I am doing better here. I have my hands in everything, as a campaign manager should. I am writing press releases, planning events, managing volunteers and our mini intern army, as well as really getting to plan grassroots strategy in terms of how we reach voters, it's a good time and as with all jobs each day, each week and the campaign as a whole has it's ups and downs, it's how you respond to them that counts, I'm working on it but I am handling stress much better than in previous times.

I'll admit that the prospect of being unemployed in one month is scary but I am confident it won't be ten months this time.

Women are a total mystery to me, this past weekend I had a fabulous date, we laughed, danced, tried new food, listened to great music, really told eachother about who we are, and I did nothing to screw it up, didn't pressure it, or anything like I usually do, and still she informs me friends is where she wants us to be, and don't get me started on Allison, that just about ripped my heart out Friday night.

As for the living situation, I moved out of 142 Davis in Brookline, one week after moving into my new place in Brookline I moved out of there too, to call it a shithole would be an insult to shitholes world wide, so here I am, halfway between Harvard and Central Squares in Cambridge. My roommates are two very great people and so far, one full month in, I have no complaints at all.

My relationship with G-d has been great, I didn't go to shul for either of the high holidays but that was ok, I talked, I repented and I listened too, no I didn't here G-ds voice but I was where I needed to be,

As I am writing this they are proclaiming that Ahhhnold is the new governor of cahlifournya, is this a joke or what. Not only do I find the recall itself problematic but moreover it is just plain a travesty of democracy that a man is going to be Governor of the 9th largest economy in the world because he was a lousy action move actor whose name the imbecile voters of California knew, I may not like the guys politics but I'd feel this way about Striesand too and the other Republican running, McClintok had FAR more credentials, and to think I am actually considering moving out there, at least I respect Romney.

Red Sox pulled it out last night, they nearly stopped my heart in doing so, but they did, and now it's the Sox Yanks, the way it should be,. I've mentioned it to some of you all before, can you imagine it, World Series games at Fenway and Wrigley, someone's pain finally ends, how perfectly story-book would that be? It could happen, for one of those two teams, Next Year is Here!

COWBOY UP!!!!

posted by Adam Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR

Had a solid few days,. Tonight was a Meet the manager night for the campaign and we had a pretty solid turn out. I fetl good about the event and really it is strating to feel like a campaign again. It's a little scary to be in charge of thigns, I am not used to resonsiblity at all, it's a real pivilege but also a bit worrisome.

Last night I had a great dinner with Jordan. I have said it before and must say it again. I am very happy for him and really thankful that his new found faith has helped me recoonect with my own. Beyond that Jordan has always been a great friend, but I am really happythat we have grown even clsoer, and thankful for that as well.


ack, had no time to eat today, that's annoying.

posted by Adam Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Monday, August 04, 2003

LET THE SUNSHINE IN.

Another double meaning there. So, this is a first, it's been nearly a week that my sight has been constantly horrific, no breaks in it at all, and yet, last night, without me having done anything different, it seems like G-d has given it back to me. I am confused and very happy obviously, but it is really emotionally draining to have it not work for such a long period and then work again, .

The sun is definitely shining on my life at the moment, from me kind of winning the battle with my eyes, to good things happening with work, to me having a few women in my life who make me very happy, to being able to spend quality time with several friends recently. I feel really good about life and possibility for the first time in a very long time. It's exciting, beautiful and scary, on some level I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, , though if I can't find an apartment soon I'll have a bit of a problem.

Powell says he won't return for another term, I think that speaks volumes about how Hawkish the White House, rummy, Cheney and Bush, have become. I also think it's interesting to note that Powell is the ONLY one of them that has commanded troops and understand the real cost of war, easy to sentence troops and innocents to death when you've never had to actually see the results of your work.

Dean is in the lead according to several polls, that scares me, I mean, look, anyone is better than Bush, but I think he's so irresponsible to be so liberal on social issues but not provide the money to do those programs under the guise of "fiscal responsibility". He's going to take out Kerry and that's bad for the Democratic party, I mean if he is the nominee I'll vote for him of course, but I think it's mostly a show of smoke and mirrors.

Looking forward to the next few weeks, a couple of interviews for after the campaign this week, and next weekend Greg's wedding, Russ and Zirk will be in town for that too, which is very cool, I wonder if Brad is coming.

posted by Adam Monday, August 04, 2003

Friday, August 01, 2003

WORKING HARD FOR THE MONEY

A few very bizarre days recently. Work is ok, though we need to raise some fundage or zimmy won't be getting paid, not to mention the fact that we won't be able to pay for the office either. It's all still kind of getting off the ground, John's supporters are a good, if very eclectic group.

Wednesday I went to a public hearing on the Carson petition in Cambridge with John, what that is is actually really unimportant. It did however bring up the issue of how one should conduct negotiations and political debate. There is a certain University which uses certain Crimson colors that owns a lot of property in Cambridge, they want to change zoning laws to allow them build a dorm, not surprisingly the people in the he neighborhood, who have already seen dorm after dorm go up, don't want this. The council has decided rather actually state their opinions and talk with both parties in a public setting they would be better off to negotiate behind closed doors and not actually act on the afore mentioned petition, doesn't sound like good governance to me.

We said goodbye to Matt Wednesday night, he'll be very happy and successful at Miami, enjoy it bro.

Found two young professional females to live with come September, right now trying to iron out issues with quasi-corrupt landlords and the stoner moving into my room.

Been very good about the diet all week, I am uber proud of myself.

Two dates in the near future, one tomorrow night at a Todd English resteraunt, with a really cool girl, even if a bit young,. The latter date will be occurring sometime soon with a girl who I met on the he T, Maureen actually initiated the convo avec moi, is damn cute, is a fellow Mainer. I felt a bit odd though, she and I clearly enjoyed talking but I got off the T before I could get her number, she had told me where she worked, so I called the next day and apologized but she gave me her cell number and we are going to have a picnic on the common next week :)

Accepting the transplant rejection is proving emotionally rather hard, but hopefully this means I can get off the pills, and hence drink again. Don't ask if I am going to have another one, it's so hard physically and emotionally everytime, I need to think about what I want to do, right now, when I lay in bed at night and can't read my clock anymore, I just cry.

posted by Adam Friday, August 01, 2003

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

THE WALK OF LIFE

I've done a lot of walkin' the last day or so. got a phone call very early today and yet stayed up, got the eyedrops I needed though I am fairly certain they won't make much of a difference, the cornea is finally gone.

Looked at a great apartment today, however it is on the top floor of a building that is not the problem nor is it that it is a good ten minute walk to the T nor is the 150 lb. dog but the problem is, the staircase is very windy and very narrow and with my failing vision I think that may be a bit of a bad combo, which is a real shame since I love the place.

I really feel good about this job but I do have to plan for November as well, so I am continuing to apply for some things. Next week we set up the new office in Central sq. have a "meet the manager" night for John's supporters to meet me, and we put out our first lit. This is really something shaping up and I am very excited about my life as of late, now all I need is an apartment and a woman on my arm., oh yeah and shedding some serious poundage, which I am working on.

posted by Adam Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Monday, July 28, 2003

STORY OF A LIFE

It's been some week, Since I last posted the state I fell in love with on my trip has fallen into complete disarray, I've continued having a great time with my job, spent quality time with a lot of friends and I think found an apartment.

California is having a recall, this unnerves me, I'd feel that way no matter what party the Governor belonged to. Democracy is what makes this country great, that said, the fact that some people don't like the result of the election that took place less than a year ago, is not in and of itself enough reason boot a man out of office, yeah, lots of people signed that petition, why, because California's economy is a bad place, and because some people thought it would be cool to have the Terminator as governor. If Dems had tried this circa 2000 when the election itself was clearly questionable they'd be vilified,. Davis isn't perfect by any stretch however he can hardly be blamed for the problems given that every state is facing a real shortfall because of Bush's cuts in aid.

I had a great dinner with Jordan Wednesday night, and a lovely time with four other good friends on Thursday evening. I love all my friends but I learned far more about one then I wanted to know, i.e. about what attracts her to men, and it isn't looks, the definition gold digger would not be inaccurate.

I spent the weekend in southern Maine at Eric's family's place. We drove up there in a porsche with the top down, I may be a blue collar kid at heart but that was DAMN cool. Eric's family is good people, however they are all rather conservative, and his step-dad is a proud member of the Republican Jewish Committee (still sounds oxy-moronic to me too). It was hard to be an un-abashed liberal in the middle of nine conservatives, I was perfectly content to avoid the issue altogether all weekend, Bob was not.

Got back this morning and have been working most of the day, have to look at a few apartments tonight,. I hope I get paid on Friday, because if I don't I can't buy the groceries I need for the next few weeks,.

I'm back on the diet thing, and have a real plan on how to do it, protein, lots of that, but also no fired foods, no soda, no simple sugars and no cheese, I also plan to work out to an extent building up my stamina, I would have done that today but my body is very tired since I got in from the bar at 1 and was up at 6 to get a ride back to Boston. My goal is simple, I want to be able to run the Boston Marathon in the next five to ten years, and I know I can do it.

posted by Adam Monday, July 28, 2003

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO

That's true, that's a fact, no more elaboration needed, Boston is home, but San Fran is heaven.

The trip really was wonderful, I'm 25 now, that means life is at least 1/3 over probably, that's a bit scary.

Work began yesterday, this is going to hard, wonderful, exciting, overwhelming, and many other seemingly contradictory adjectives all at once.

Too humid out to do much thinking, sleep I still working on readjusting itself, got totally drenched in the rain today, but loved it, sometimes dancing in the he rain, even in your dress shirt, is fun.

Been looking hard for a new apartment come 3/1 I am a bit nervous about a year long lease since come November I am out of work again, I hope it's not another ten months between jobs, but who knows.

So, the Hussein sons are dead, I get that they were bad people, no question, but for our president,t he leader of the free world, to be described as "pleased" or "expressing pleasure" at the deaths of two people no matter who evil they were, is one of, if not the most offensive thing I have heard in a very very long time, it made me ill to hear him described as happy about people being dead, kill them and we are the righteous, if it one of our sons or daughters they'd be evil butchers, I always knew our foreign policy made me uneasy, until 6pm tonight I never realized just how morally bankrupt we truly are.

posted by Adam Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Sunday, July 20, 2003

CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'

I know how corny that title is but it has a few meanings to me, First and foremost I am dreaming of living out here, at least for a few years, the climate socially, weather wise and in all other ways is wonderful, though I would grow to miss the New England ways I have grown up with, and the snow for that matter, I don't care what they say, having to drive to Tahoe to get snow just isn't the same as living in it. Second this particular song was playing yesterday as I was strolling down Haight, I stood in awe on the corner of Haight and Ashbury, just taking it all in bought some CD's dropped a few dollars in a few homeless folks cups (how do all these homleless folks sem to have dogs?) and imagined myself there 40 years pror, I was born too late. I was also very much offended that when I walked into a 60's era T-shirt sop and asked about Abbie Hoffman memorabelia I was asked by the 20-something putz in the tye-dye shirt who WORKS at said shop "abbie hoffman, whose she?" this was in the Haight and this kid is that un-informed I was furious.

Let's briefly recap the week. Tuesday I just chilled, as is my want at least one day on any vaation, Wednesday I went to Stanford and Santa Clara to check out the law school situations, damn stanford is a huge campus, and santa clara felt like a west coast BC, Wednesday night I had west coast Mexican food, they may have sub par seafood but we on the East no nothing about real Mexican. Thursday was a really cool day, walked up Telegraph in Berkeley, visited the law school and the admissions person, with whom I was very honest about my academic qualificaitons, or lack thereof,, said she thought I had a good chance of admittance, pretty suprising but I was stoked. Then into SF fort he first time, cable cars, golden gate, (I have pictures of all of this) beautiful city, great people, and much much much more hilly than I would have though, lucky for them they don't have winter snow tires on those hills, I don't think so, but I would get in shapre uber quickly if I lived out here. Thursday night I went out to dinner with a cousin I had never met, my dad's fathers sister's daughtyer, that's much less convaluted than it sounds but bascially, without going into too much detail my papa abe had five younger sisters, he spoke to four, when the fifth one didn't how up at his funeral, the rest of the family kinda cut her off my cousin debbie didn't even know I exited till the souin I am staying wtih asked her if she wanted to meet me and go out to dinner, it was nice, she's a cool lady, lawyer, dead-head but it was still very awkward. Freaky Friday was spent meeting Emily's brother downtown in SF, we did lunch in Chinatown, another thin that is very different from east coast, I can't say if this is better or worse but it defiently more authentic, then down Lombard st. crookest street in the nation, oh and DAMN teep too. We hit the beach on the Persidio which is this old military base, very neat, then to Pac Bell where i met up with Brian of Brandeis fame for the Giants game, good to see him, fun night garlic fries were indeed very solid, Bonds didn't hit one out, but it was still very cool to feel that anticipation in person. Heading off to the plane now, I'll report on other things fromt he week and my life once I land,

posted by Adam Sunday, July 20, 2003

Monday, July 14, 2003

WORKIN ' 9 TO 5

That's right folks, I've accepted the offer to manage a campaign cor city council in the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts. He's a good candidate and a good man, I'll be glad to have work and happy to work for him. Now when I get back I'll need to start looking for an apartment.

The wedding was really beautiful. Not only was the location lovely, up in the Santa Cruz mountains, but bascially it was really beautiful in all respects. Storey and Emily are going to be a very happy couple for many years to come and it's wonderful. Their families are great, including Emily's neice and nephew who decieded I was an excellent over-sized stuffed toy. I got to spend time with several friends who it was to reconnect with including Russ who I hadn't seen in over a year, I think when he comes out for Greg's wedding he is going to crash with me. I can't say enough about the last two days it was really a wonderful and special experience, I will never forget it and was really glad I could be there. Congratulations you two, I couldn't be happier for you both. Oh just in case you were thinking about going to the Santa Cruz mountains, drive carefully those roads are rather windy.

Today i took in the Pacific via the beach, very cool, I love this place, I'll be back for grad school sooner or later.

Not much more to report on, it's been a splendid few days and promises to only get better. Life is good right now, very good, it's about time nes pas?

posted by Adam Monday, July 14, 2003

Saturday, July 12, 2003

DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE?

So I was wrong, I can post from here. Why would anyone ever leave the Bay area, I've been here once before and enjoyed it then, now I jsut absolutely love it, if I could find a job out here I'd never leave. For someone who doesn't like to complain about weather if I could envision the perfect weather scenario this would be it i'ts amazing and gorgeous, and DAMN.

The flright out was good, I slept from runway to runway on the first leg and then they bumped me up to first class for the log stretch between detroit and san fran, how cool is that? While first class is without a doubt better thancoach, I am not sure it's worth four times what a coach seat is but I met some cool people on the flight.

I've been largely been relaxing the past few days and I will be leaving shortly for the wedding and I'm excited about that, next week should be fun as well.

Did I mention that I love this area, wow!

posted by Adam Saturday, July 12, 2003

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

LEAVIN' ON A JET-PLANE

I am not at all sure if I will be posting between now and the 20th when I get back from SF, I leave my apartment in about 6 hours. I'll post if I can but if not, that's why

I did get a job offer today, but it's a 3 month job at best and I KNOW I am a finalist for three other jobs, and this guy wants an answer by next Tuesday, I'm not sure I can do that I may have to turn this down, which would be a shame but I need a job, not a three month layover that leads me back to the unemployment line . Two interviews today were stellar and I feel incredibly good about each of them, also met the sweetest girl on the T, well that's not totally true, she also interviewed for the same state house job I did(without sounding like a jackass I am significantly more qualified) we talked on the T and I even stayed on a few stops longer than I needed to just so I could keep talking with her, she took my number, was giggling in that adorable girlish way and she waved and smiled at me as I got off the train, I really hope she calls.

Ok, now to finish packing try to get at least a few hours of sleep and then ride the wind, I know this may sound asinine, but I love you all, just in case.

posted by Adam Wednesday, July 09, 2003

HOT FOR TEACHER

Yesterday was long, interesting but oh so very long, and today will be far longer I am afraid. Today's song stems from my interview last night with the Princeton Review, to be a teacher, the place was in a basement devoid of air-conditioning. I was terribly annoyed that though I had called twice and been assured it would be taken care of, they did not have an enlarged quiz for me. The verbal section was ok but the math was like throwing darts.

My day began with a lunch with Emily, all be it a brief one, she has become a good friend, and it's kinda cool because she the first close friend I've had that is female who I am not interested in. I then interviewed for a campaign managers job for a city council race in Cambridge, it would be interesting and couldn't hurt the career though to be fair there are four or five other jobs that I'd be more interested in that I hopefully will hear about soon.

Packing, packing and packing again, oh, and laundry, not to mention two more interviews today, a state house one and development director of a non-profit.

Bought Storey's book today, won't have in time to bring to SF obviously, but it was so cool to be able to buy a good friends novel, it'll be a great read when I get back here, which by the way is where it looks more and more like I will be staying, the day I land a job is the day I can find a new apartment, that'll be good.

posted by Adam Wednesday, July 09, 2003

Monday, July 07, 2003

HOME ON THE RANGE

Title has a double meaning, not only am I back in my apartment but while I was in Maine it actually felt, to an extent, like home. Took the train up on Friday, spent the Fourth relaxing on the he lake with great bar-b-que and a fun fireworks display, Saturday I got some things done that I needed two and I had dinner with my little cousins who both decided that they would only eat mint chocolate chip ice cream if it were green, a theory their cousin Adam taught them. Sunday back up tot he lake and then some GREAT lobster rolls we made fresh with lobster right off the docks. Today was a lazy day, now back in my apartment.

I have three different interviews between now and 48 hours from now when I leave for SF, at least two of them have a very high probability of going my way,, we shall see. However still no news on the grant-writing gig, can I be annoyed yet,?

Not much else to report part of the joy of July 4-20 is the need not to think, no stress, no anything but enjoying free vacation time, that said, when I do get home, I will be starting a diet and hopefully exercise regiment as well, if I can stick to it between now and then.

posted by Adam Monday, July 07, 2003

Thursday, July 03, 2003

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

Tonight I spent the evening with a good friend from college, someone who I always respected as a debater and called a friend but until more recently I never realized how true a friend he is. We went out to dinner down by the wharf and talked about many different things from Faith to the ocean to what we have done thus far in our lives and where we hope to go. It was lighthearted at times but mostly it was a really wonderful talk with a great friend. I respect his devotion to his faith very much and I said before he really seems very happy, and has also helped me to look more within myself which is a great ability to have. I look forward to continuing to see this friendship grow.

I was a busy beaver today, two interviews, one informational, running still more errands (though I haven't gotten a hair cut yet) and all this in dress shoes,.

Chapin once talked about two kinds of tired at the end of a long day, this is the good kind. I have had two good days in a row and I am very happy right now, that's great, though it's a little scary to be happy too, I mean, the happier you are,t he more room you have tumble. When I was talking with J tonight I told him something I haven't told anyone yet,. About a week ago, during one of my new nightly payers/fireside chats with the Big Cheese I actually outloud said I was "grateful" for my eyesight, and I meant it, I know that I would really not be the man I am today if not for this disability, though no doubt if I could change it tomorrow I would, speaking of, going to see Dr. B later on Thursday, after I have lunch with an friend from Smith and before I go bar hopping with Easy-E of Camp Tevya fame once again.

posted by Adam Thursday, July 03, 2003

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

DIXIE-LAND

What the hell just happened? I'm having a normal day, doing laundry, running some errands sitting there, watching the Sox game, the phone rings, some guy with a very distinct Southern accent calls. He proceeds to inform me I am one of five people that the North Carolina Democratic Party has selected to be considered by a Congressional candidate to RUN HIS CAMPAIGN. I wanted to ask, are you sure you have the right Adam Zimmerman? But he was sure, he had my resume right in front of him, to say I was floored would be a vast understatement. It is apparently a fairly Republican district, encompassing Charlotte and parts of two other counties but yeah, in a couple of months it is possible I will be offered the job campaign manager in a Congressional campaign in North Carolina, now I don't know if I would take it, I have said I want to get out of campaign work, but if (oy I hope not), I am still unemployed, and if they make me an offer, and if I meet this candidate and see him as someone I would be proud to work for, then I just might do this, WOW, what else is there to say but WOW!

Any other news I could have would seem miniscule in comparison to that but I have made some plans for the next week or so. I intend to spend time with several friends I haven't seen in a while over the next week before I go, and can't wait to see many of the other people from college that I seldom see when I am out in the Bay area. Talked to my cousins who I am staying with today, they used to visit Maine a lot when I was really little but I haven't seen them really in man years, it will be nice to reconnect, I only wish I could go down to LA so I could see Kenny, a cousin I am still very close with, though he may be working on a movie on location now.

I guess it is now Wednesday July 2nd, the wee hours to be sure. One year go already, I can still see her face in the doorway, she took the train up to Boston because her car broke down and she wanted to see me so much she came up anyway, we went to dinner, then back to my place and we cuddled on the couch and watched the Princess Bride, she'd never seen it, then I went to walk her to the T in the late evening twilight we actually held hands, then on the way over we stopped in a park by my apartment, sat on the swings and just talked for a good hour or more. I t was perfection, Allison that was the night I fell in love with you, it was magic, I wish we could be there tonight too, I wish that you felt that way, I wish I knew why you haven't returned my calls in a week, you are probably busy, because for once I know I didn't do anything wrong, you know I'm here, I hope you'll call soon, I miss you

I suspect that another woman in my life couldn't give a rats ass that I am coming out to SF, big plans go quickly when meet a guy you can't stop talking about, or so it would seem, I called it on day one, wish I had been wrong.

Campaign manager on a Congressional campaign at age 25, not one with a primary either, I mean the state party is behind this guy already, WOW. P.S. I still want the grant-writing job here, in Boston, where they know what a Jew is, and have public transit.

posted by Adam Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Monday, June 30, 2003

PARADISE CITY

More and more I hear the west coast calling for me, sure I love Boston, and my eye doctor and many fiends are here, but I need to spread my wings a bit, go to a new place, take new chances and dream new dreams, and feel finally free of a lot of the mistakes I've made, not running from them persay but more so allowing myself to move on, I would give anything to just stay when I go next week, but that's not likely, not without a job.

On said job front I still have heard nothing about the grant-writing job, over a week now and I don't know how to feel about this, and I also know there is nothing I can do, though at some point this week I have to email them and let them know I will be out of the state next Thursday for several days, and I am worried that could cost me the job. I do have a few interviews for other things set up, including teaching SAT courses, part time, not ideal and it doesn't start till September but it's pretty much a lock so maybe.

Did a lot of thing this weekend, sat around and watched the Sox, wow is all I can say about that offensive display, and I have a friend who is convinced that Gabe Kapler is the great Jewish hope for the Red Sox, hey, if it brings a ring I'll take any hope we can get.

Had coffee yesterday with a long time friend, it was good to see him though I wonder to an extent if I did myself any favors. There have been a lot of times where his actions were actually quite hurtful including a long stretch up until this week and we didn't discuss that at all. I am all about forgiving and forgetting but it would have been nice to get some explanation or an apology, in the end I suppose I am glad that we are acquainted again.

I've just agreed to go to Maine for the 4th, wow am I a glutton for punishment, maybe I just know if I don't I'll end up sitting in my apartment alone, or maybe I want to feel like I did for so many years going up to our family friend's camp on the fourth and spending the day on the lake with our own private fireworks display.

On a less pleasant topic, a fond farewell to Katherine Hepburn and to Gregory Peck, wonderful actors both.

Is it wrong that a political junkie like me is on some level looking forward to Legally Blonde 2?

I realized today some one could write an amazing sociological dissertation by spending one full day riding around Boston on the T, maybe that's what "Charlie" was doing on the MTA (if you don't get the reference then you don't know the Kingston Trio)

posted by Adam Monday, June 30, 2003

Friday, June 27, 2003

IT'S GETTIN' HOT IN HERE

First off, still no job info.

Roommates really getting on my nerves lately, that's probably partially due to me not having left this place much and the oppressive heat and humidity, we don't even have a fan in this apartment.

Spent last night hanging out downtown at some local yuppie bars because an old friend from overnight camp is in town, those kind of bars are very much not my style but Eric wanted to check them out so we did. Met a few nice women, and did mange one number who knows. I really have no plans for the next two weeks till I head out West, boredom is not fun.

posted by Adam Friday, June 27, 2003

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

UNDER PRESSURE

Had a major eye scare last night, I couldn't even see the computer screen, it is much better now but I was really terrified for a good few hours there. Of all times for this to be happening you knowknow? It could very well be the stress from lack of money and job and the stress about the impending trip that often raises my blood pressure and causes eye issues beyond that I'm just so bored I feel all bottled up, which can't be helping either.

So, you wanna know about the job eh, so do I. I did email just asking about the status of things, got a reply saying it's in the he hands of the CEO now, I hope that if I wasn't being considered she would have just told me that, this is really frustrating, I don't blame anyone but it is really torturing me.

This weather is not my cup of tea, the heat and humidity, I've never been a summer guy, largely due probably to my Maine roots but I'll live with a lot of cold showers. Though I do have a rant about Boston. When I was growing up every neighborhood in Portland had it's own little family owned homemade ice cream stand, now I'm not taking decades ago, but those places are all still up there. Boston the closet thing we get to that kind of homemade outside stand feeling is J.P. Licks, which admittedly is good ice cream but it's not like being a kid at all and it is part of being a kid for me at least, maybe Herrels qualifies to an extent too but again an outdoor stand with a line wrapping around the stand and being able to see them making that homemade ice cream, that's ice cream and summer to me,.

I guess now that I got this email I can go out and get a haircut and do some stuff at the bank but still I mean, I want to know one way or another I want to know about this job, desperately,.

posted by Adam Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK

Ok so I am officially being driven nuts. I can't leave my apartment out of fear I'll miss the calla bout the job, so I've been listening to music non-stop with both my cell and the phone at my side at all times, and of course every time one of them rings I am hugely disappointed when it's not about the job. i am not sure if this is a good sign or a bad one, I guess it means they have a tough choice to make, or maybe they are notifying all those that didn't get the job first, and then the new employee whichw would be good, or vise versa which would be bad, can you tell I am over thinking this or what? I've had nothing else on my mind all day just listening to music which is keeping me, to an extent sane, though the humidity is definitely not helping. So bored, and to top it all off today my eye is seeing things poorly, not a huge reason for concern, it just does this from time to time but it's annoying none the less.

This time in essentially solitude has given me more time to think about my relationship with the Big Man Upstairs. I know that culturally I will always be Jewish, it's a massive part of my personal identity but I really think more and more that my spirituality is my own, it's not any particular religion at all, though I definitely believe in G-d (note that not writing the name is a Jewishy habit)I just talk a lot, praying for stuff, prayers of thanks but it's really just me having a pretty one sided and introspective conversation with the Almighty. I don't know if the Jews have it right, the Christians do the Hindus' Buddhists or Muslims, but I like to think of it all as more of a shmorgusbord where we all have some piece of right, and as long as you have faith G-d is loving enough to not judge you for not having it right but rather grateful that you believe no matter what it is you believe, after all we are humans, we are supposed to get it wrong. I am happier though since I've started these daily talks with G-d, it's when He/She talks back that I'll start to worry.

posted by Adam Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Monday, June 23, 2003

BEAUTIFUL IN MY EYES.

No news yet about the job, but I needed to post none the less. I had a long talk with Allison last night. I know she doesn't read this, and I know I've emailed her basically how I feel before but I need to look in her eyes and tell her, maybe that's selfish of me because she doesn't' feel that way, or maybe I am naive enough to hope that pouring out my heart will change how she feels. She is the smile on my face, the light behind my eyes, the song in my heart and she is the love in my life. When we talk time stops, nothing matters but hearing her sweet voice and what's going on in her life. I love her, more than I ever thought possible. I would walk through fire for her, I'd die for her, you know perform the old Sidney Carton if I had to. Thinking about her now I smile, I always do, I know the best thing would be for me to get over it but how can you get over something that in your heart of your hearts, in the he deepest parts of who you are, you know is right. I am in love with her and even though she may never love me I honestly think I am ok with that because above all else I want her to be happy, my heart would be sadder if she were not. I want so much to hold her in my arms and have her hold me back and I believe G-d will make it happen if it is supposed to I just hope He does so soon because I am so full of love for her it's crazy, how is it fair to myself, or any other girl I may have an interest in when I so love Allison, she will always be beautiful in my eyes.

It's sunny, I think I may go and relax on the Common for a bit

Had a bit of a health scare last night around 5AM thought I was having a heart attack kinda making me think I need to shape up health wise, however I didn't have a heart attack but the fact that I thought that was possible, that in and of itself speaks volumes about what I need to do for my health and probably for my own happiness too.

posted by Adam Monday, June 23, 2003

Sunday, June 22, 2003

SINGING IN THE RAIN

pretty subdued weekend, done a lot of movie watching and cooking. Yesterday thought I did venture out for a bit prior to the heavens pouring forth more rain, much as they are right now. One this little voyage into the world I was in Coolidge Corner, one of my favorite places in the city, I happened to meet Rosina, beautiful name and a really sweet girl, dinner on Tuesday, would paying in coupons be bad?

I guess at some point in the next 15-40 hours I will know if I am employed or not, G-d I hope so, I've been praying very hard over this one, I'd appreciate your prayers too.

Wow, the Sox just keep finding ways to loose, today it was for the best offense in baseball to get a grand total of three hits, pretty damn sad.

It's unfortunate that the Capitol Steps plans fell through, such is life.

Two weeks till I fly far far away, I am really looking forward to it, I want to spend a good bit of that trip looking at schools, doing job interviews, if this one doesn't' happen, but more than anything I want to put in lots of hours on the Amiano for mayor campaign in SF. Oh and that whole wedding thing which I am very much looking forward to.

I don't mind the rain but even I will admit this a bit much.

posted by Adam Sunday, June 22, 2003

Saturday, June 21, 2003

I SAW THE SIGN.

I've come to the conclusion that since I can not seem to figure out how to ad a title to my page I will start each entry with a song, as this is after all the song of a dreamer you read each day. NO I am not an Ace of Base fan but the song fits today.

Fairly non-eventful day though I had a very nice chat with one of my roommates friends this morning, spent a large part of the day reflection, something I've been doing a lot more of as of late. I realized that through he haze of a two year depression, ok maybe that's unfair, maybe the right way to describe it is just, general pessimism/sadness I've been focusing on what I haven't done, don't have, rather than what I have done and what I do have. I think my problems are many and the solution to all of them may not be obvious or simple but they will, in the end, solve. Loosing Lance may have been when it all began, I know that sounds crazy, loosing a dog shouldn't be that big a deal, but he was my best friend, and I had begged G-d to spare him when he got sick, falling to my knees in the shower, praying with all I had to make Lance ok, I was unemployed for six months after graduation, I had lost my grandmother in May of that previous year and I needed my best friend to stick around, 2 hours later G-d took him fro me. The anger and hatred I felt that day still scares me to make a long story longer, I needed to come to terms with the fact that I may have not gotten everything I wanted in life as of yet but A. That's for some cosmic reason I don't/and am not supposed to, understand and B. That I have done far more than many people, including myself, ever thought I could. All those posts about me having accomplished nothing in 24 years on my old blog, those were crap, have I worked my ass off as hard as I cold, to be fair no, but I have gotten where I am under my own steam and despite a mountain that often seemed to challenging to climb. I need to embrace what I have, and strive for more always but not be bitter that the struggle goes on, it is that struggle that makes it all so sweet when you reach what it is you strive for. a job eludes me, it can't be an endless journey, some day, hopefully soon, I will find someone who thinks I am worthy of employment. romantic love seems forever out of my grasp, someday that too will change and when it does it will be right and I will have what I have so longed for .

What got me reflecting on a lot of this was a talk I had with a good friend tonight,. When I first heard from a third party that he was now a rather devout Christian I was skeptical and confused. When I had the chance to talk with him tonight though it was truly wonderful to see how happy he was. He has always been a great friend and a wonderful person but he seems so happy now and this transformation has happened without him becoming preachy or trying to convert the heathens which I truly respect and admire, I really think that despite my continuing faith in Judaism this is going to bring my friend and I much closer which is really great. Another friend I saw tonight has changed in a very different way. He was always thought to very liberal, and while I am not going to say he is now not so, I will say that his views on several issues make me think he as moderated to quite an extent I suppose that should disappoint me, and in a way perhaps it does but I am not judging his views only surprised that he holds them and curious as to why, given his situation in life, that is the case. I suppose with time we all change, clearly, but two such changes were perhaps never more clearly illustrated to me as these two good friends tonight.

On a far less pleasant note, I owe someone an apology. I don't know if you read this blog anymore but guilt tripping you about something you had no intention of doing is not fair and I am sorry for it. I've said this to you already and you've accepted it but I wanted to say it again here. You are a good friend, and while I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by the he situation, not by you but by the situation at large, I value that friendship and am, on some level genuinely happy for you because I know that if you chose this guy he's gotta be a pretty good guy and you should know that though it may hurt me to hear about it sometimes I don't want you ever to feel like you have to not share things with me, you are important to me and I will get over my own self enough to be a friend, to listen to what is going on in your life no matter what it is.

old roomie, the convict and the cat are all gone for the weekend, think it would be wrong to change the locks?

posted by Adam Saturday, June 21, 2003

Friday, June 20, 2003

Ow, now both of my feet seem to be having problems with being at the very least mildly painful, much as my eyes have been lately, if it were possible for a man my size to touch foot to eye perhaps I could find some correlation, however since that is not exactly doable for me, I am going to assume there is no inherent connection.

Wore a great new outfit today black dress pants and a deep gray dress shirt, wow did I look good aside from the layers of blubber which extend beyond my waist, though apparently I looked good enough to get another number on the T, I'll be calling ya Cara ;) *PS. I'm sure that won't go anywhere either, I mean hell if she is picking up a putz like me on the T she's fairly easy to impress

So, really funny story that kind of makes you think. I go into CVS to exchange a deodorant that was not functional, one I bought yesterday, they guy, as he should have, asked for my receipt, which I had lost, I told him this, his reply: "that's ok, blind people don't lie" couple this with how at security points they usually let me walk right through with my cane, including post 9/11, and I am left to wonder if people with bad intentions could just get a hold of a cane, how much damage could they do? Fraud, terrorism, there are so many possibilities, hmm, I am broke, kidding kidding

Anyone ever use this Craigslist thing? it's great, however tonight there was a shindig down town to which I ventured, can you say disaster, not only was it only like four guys, the one who organized it was the most pompous ass I've ever met, and I know Silverman

Bulger before Congress today, a panel by the way with four members of the Mass. Delegation, all of whom served in the state Senate under Billy, seems like no conflict there. Anyway so he proved himself to be a marvelous dancer like most politicos, do I think he knows where Whitey is, probably not, but he knows more than he will admit he knows too. On that subject though, are people really surprised that the FBI is corrupt when it comes to looking out for Mob guys who they grew up with. Seems to me like having he FBI branch I Boston populated with guys from Southie, investigating guys in the mob from Southie, is a poor idea,. I would suggest that the first change should be, you want to be in the FBI, fine, wonderful glad to have you, you will NOT be workin in the city you few up in, makes too much sense though, hence it will never happen.

Going to go see the Capitol Steps this weekend, the political satire show, should be a blast, going with two very cute female friends of mine, stunningly both have gained boyfriends since meeting me, wow, shocking eh?

Talked to a few people tonight from back home, it was really nice to speak with both of them as it's been too long, but they are still living in Portland, they hate it, and they have the ability to go places via their own cars, If I don't land a job soon and have to move back there in September it is not only my mother that will drive my loco, but even more so the oppressive inability for me to go anywhere of my own choosing. I may not have a car or a bike in Boston but I have the T which means I have some degree of freedom/independence, if I move to Portland and am essentially chained to my house by the lack of public transit, I am truly scared for my emotional state. I really wish you all understood how limiting it is to not have the independence of a vehicle and besides it takes away my need as a male to be able to drive a huge phalic extension.

Strange thoughts today from a strange guy, I suppose that would make today's song one of the tripped out ones, possibly Doors or the Dead.

posted by Adam Friday, June 20, 2003

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

Painfully boring week yet again, though the bonus is that I've been A. saving money. and B. doing quite a bit of cooking which as you know I love to do so it's not all bad.

I've decided no more complaining about the weather, not that I do it much anyway, but I mean good lord people, yes it's raining, thanks for pointing out the obvious and beyond that, it's note like there is a damn thing you, or anyone else can do about it, why stress out about something that is beyond anyone's control. Live life based on other things than weather, if rain is an excuse to be depressed you've got a lot more going on than bad weather. Would it be nice if it was sunny and 70 all the time, sure but we choose to live here STOP WHINING it does no good and just ads to stress.

I am SICK of telling woman that I am interested in how happy I am for them that they've found some guy who makes them swoon, this is different from my rant of the last post. This is about my reaction to that first notice of "hey, you aren't good enough for me but this random schmuck I met, yeah he's the best guy in the he world and came out of nowhere" SHUT UP I don't want to happy for you anymore, I want MY turn at being happy and each and everytime that happens to me I am more and more sure G-d intends me to be completely asexual being for time in memoriam. I am deserving of love, and I am good enough, if you can't see it, fuck all ya'll

(note, that particular rant is not directed at anyone person but I've been burned far more than I care to admit and yeah, I push hard and fast for exactly that reason, can you freaking blame me, they always find someone better)

Had a phone interview about a job last night, sounds really interesting, though clearly I'd take the one I've interviewed twice for if offered next week, I've been begging G-d all week about that one and won't stop, I need it for a whole host of reasons, financial, emotional, pure and total boredom.

Off to, oh, wait, off to do nothing, as per usual

posted by Adam Wednesday, June 18, 2003

Monday, June 16, 2003

That's all it, it's all over, I did all I could do, really enjoyed meeting those people at the organization and now it's out of my hands. I should know within a week or so. The interview went really well I think, we'll see.

Em called again today, I can't figure the girl out

On that subject I just have to say, I so fed up with being "that guy" you know the one I mean,t he guy that every girl has on speed dial, just below their current love interest, the guy they call to bitch about lover boy. I don't mind in any way shape or form being their for friends, it means a lot to me that they respect me that much, but along the same vain it is really hellish to know none of them ever have, or probably ever will, see me as anything other than a big ole teddybear/shoulder to learn on. I know for a fact I am "that guy" for at least six women, it really does suck nine kinds of ass. I'd love to be the guy at the top of that speed dial just once.

There's so much plan to do just as soon as I can get a job i.e. find a new apartment, invest in some clothes, perhaps a new computer, and by the by, if I get this job I interviewed today I would really be fine, it pays far better than I had expected.

Hey Roger, SHUT UP wear whatever hat the Hall of Fame tells you to o wear and say "Thank you for this honor" you claim to be man so start being one and stop being a whiny bitch.

well ok, so it's June the 16th, and I have nothing whatsoever planned between now and when I leave for the Bay, though mom wants me to come home for the 4th, how many different ways are there to say, not a snowballs chance in hell.

posted by Adam Monday, June 16, 2003

quite the weekend, had a great ride back to Maine with dad and his buddy from work, we actually took the new tunnel and Zakim bridge to get home on 93 ok so the big dig isn't nearly done, but if the rest of it is a nice and un-congested as that part during rush hour on a Friday afternoon, they are doing something right.

Saturday was fabulous, Catholic wedding was interesting, I wasn't sure at first if I was supposed to do the communion thing, I nudged the person next to me, I wasn't, which is good cause that would have been awkward. Tom's wife is a real nice girl I had never met her in the six years they'd been dating, I'd seen him many times but just never got the chance to meet Megan, I have no doubt they are going to be very happy. I t was so great to see his family, Tom as been my bestfriend, since I was four, we never went to school together after sixth grade and yet have been able to keep up that close friendship, that is really special and rare and I am very glad about it, it's funny because we are too very, very different people but have always been very close, I still remember all the he Christmas trees we decorated together at his place and his whole family has always been so nice to me. Seeing his Mom and sister and her two kids, one of whom was born on the day Tom graduated from high school and as such I'd never met, was really great. His brothers have always been like big brothers to me which was nice being the oldest in my family to have the Bernier boys on your side growing up was never a bad thing, they are all doing well too, the oldest is married to a really nice lady, Pat is a confirmed bachelor, and Andy is engaged to a wonderful person as well so it's great. It was just a lot of fun from the he ceremony which was beautiful, to the reception to the after party which was highlighted by the stellar kareoke going on a good time was had by all.

Mom managed to spoil the weekend as per usual, because clearly I am unaware that I am unemployed, and broke, this is something she feels she needs to mention over and over and over and well you get the point, keeping my cool in those situation is incredibly hard, but I just kept reminding myself I was heading home in two hours. Honestly if I don't land a job soon and end up having to move back in September, I am concerned about what sort of emotional catastrophe may result from that because if she doesn't drive me to homicide I just may end up in a padded room from having a breakdown, I have no clue how dad lasted 29 years.

I need to find my best psych up music and blast it tomorrow before I head off to the interview because I have to give the performance of my life, I need this, desperately, I can taste employment I guess I find out tomorrow if it's a bitter pill or the sweet sweet nectar of success.

posted by Adam Monday, June 16, 2003

Thursday, June 12, 2003

Sorry for the long delay, and the last post that from I've now been told freaked a few of you out. I still feel hurt by the situation but I also know that she's happy and didn't get in a relationship to hurt me. I know she'd be happier with me, there is not a shred of doubt in my mind about that but I know she's smiling, and that's really all I want for her it sucks I am not the person making her happy but that's life, I can sit and whine and feel sorry or I can dust off the hurt, be her friend, and live my own life for myself, I've gotta say, the latter just sounds like a more enjoyable option.

I know I've been away for a few days,the he irony is I've been right here, just haven't had anything to say, and haven't done anything worthy of reporting on, it's been a very dull week since bailing on the convention Friday night. Tomorrow brings a weekend in Maine, for both the wedding and Fathers' day, this one has some special significance since it will probably be the last one dad spends in Maine, or at least I hope it is. I know he'd be leaving a lot of friends and family behind but he's been talking about AZ for years now and I really think he deserves and for that matter needs a chance like that, it'd be good for him and maybe force mom to sell the house, which would also not be a bad thing.

I have a second interview on monday, if after that, and the letter from Bob I still can't get this job, then I probably never will but I am feeling good about the likelihood of employment prior to July.

On that subject, stay away from Hotwire, Orbitz or any of those, they re real bitches about changing flight dates

I stepped on a small nail today, this didn't feel good, I got it out quickly though so probably no big deal and I don't plan to go to the hospital for it until he tetanus symptoms set in, then I'll panic

I'm being a royal pain tot he Brandeis development office trying to get them moving on the he Hoffman deal

Yesterday I did something that I am very proud of actually. As some of you know I've been on interviews in the last few months and on several occasions they've been asking about my disability and how that will affect my ability to do the job, now gut response is "I wouldn't be here if I didn't think I could do the job" but instead I've been very appeasing about their obvious concerns about my ability. I have not said anything regarding the fact that for them to even ask those questions is illegal let alone take them into consideration when deciding on employment. Yesterday I sat at my computer and wrote emails to the two people who I felt were most egregious in their questions and very politely explained that not only were they out of line but were they to encounter someone with more guts than I they could be facing a lawsuit. As I said, I was very polite and just explained that I felt very uncomfortable by the whole situation. Of course this did include the state rep. who I felt had wronged me in March. As I had pretty much expected I got emails from both within a few hours which basically just defended their actions, keep in mind I had said I wasn't attributing any maliciousness to them nor was I angry I just wanted to make them aware, I also was quite clear that I was not asking, and quite frankly didn't want to know, if my sight had played a part in their choices. The notes were both very cordial but also made clear that they weren't discriminating and neither seemed to understand that simply by inquiring about my disability the had crossed a line ah well, I feel much better about he situation at least.

Ok, that's all for now, if I don't post again till Monday it's just because I've been in Maine, you know, Luddite land, please think good thoughts Monday at 1pm eastern standard time, JOB OR BUST!

posted by Adam Thursday, June 12, 2003

Monday, June 09, 2003

Wow did that suck. The person I love, the girl that means more to me than anything in this world just called me, it's been a long while since we have talked, she was very tired and started rambling about her new beau, her g-d damned physics tutor from college, Ali knows how I feel, I've told her, I know she doesn't' feel that way but she swore up and down she wasn't looking for any sort of relationship right now, and then I, as the loveable teddybear bestfriend have to listen as she drones about how great this guy is, I'm dying inside but I have to be happy for her, I want to be happy for her, I want to be with her. She means everything to me, I would die for Allison and she knows it, I would move heaven and hell, she makes me smile, she makes me a better person she is anything and everything I could ever dream of in a partner in life, I've been hurt by many women, and maybe we will end up together in time, but I think I need to give up this delusion before it tears me apart inside, because right now I feel like completely worthless shit and it hurts so much, why can't I be the guy she's blabbering on about, why can't my life be a shitty romance movie, and have a happy ending, she is and was my heart and soul, what's left then?

posted by Adam Monday, June 09, 2003

Sunday, June 08, 2003

To those who check this thing daily I apologize for not having updated yesterday, there is a reason for that though, there has been nothing to report since getting home Friday night.I am completely broke i.e. post paying for groceries, phone bills and a wedding gift I've got #25 in my bank account with no real way of replenishment that is unless this job comes through G-d-d if you read this, hook a zimmy will you please. I haven't left the apartment or showered for that matter, ok that's kinda gross but you know, no reason to I suppose.

Jakes friend from Cali has been here the last few days, he is the quintessence of a California surfer bo with a mild intellect a nice guy who feels the part scene is the only scene.

Watching the Clinton interview with Baba Wahwah, it's an interesting interview but I will say, she's a strong woman, and those cynics who says she's only married to Bill for political reason and it's always been that way, that's BS, I think that they honestly love each other and he's a sexual hounddog but she's right you either find it in your heart to forgive or you don't she did and she loved the guy good for her.

I also have to say, I've gotten into a lot of friendships lately with people who just don't return phone calls, and it's not just one person, it's several and it's annoying. I call people, I'm a phone person for some fairly clear reasons I would think, but how hard is it for friends to pick up a phone and say, I'm sorry, I am really busy I'll call you soon, that'd be ok with me, but when people just don't put in the effort A. it says a lot about the friendship and B. even if it is not true it makes you feel like they are more important to you then you are to them, and that sucks.

That's really all that is new, we'll see if this week brings anything interest since right now there is nothing planned till the wedding in Maine, and after that, nothing until the next wedding in July, which by the way, I am coming to guys, :) I'll email ya, don't worry.

Addendum: My oh my, I am severely annoyed. She's a good friend but I made it clear that I wanted her to come up to Maine with me, didn't want to go up to a wedding alone I asked her a few weeks ago, now she tells me she is going to Newport next weekend, I think to hang out with a guy that she met when I was with her, well, ok I know that in fact she's been going there a lot of weekends lately, it's just a playground for spoiled 20 and 30 somethigns in the summer, that must be nice I am really pretty upset, no idea if she reads this thing on not, if she does I'm sure I'll hear about it, I know I didn't feel any sparks maybe if I were republican or rich or whatever it would be different, anyway, I'm done.

Lastly I am watching the Tony awards now MY G-D I LOVE THE THEATRE. First off it impresses me so much more to see a great Broadway show then it does to see a great movie or TV show think about it, I mean they get take after take, and sure people get rehearsals in the theatre they are live, no second chances and it's pretty amazing the signing, the dancing, and the brilliant adaptations the past few years. It's pretty astounding that I love theatre this much and yet ended up straight, not that my sexual orientation matters much, women don't seem to notice :) ok that really should be a frown with respect to that area of my life, but I'm by in large happy, I think

posted by Adam Sunday, June 08, 2003

Saturday, June 07, 2003

So much for the convention. I went to Lowell, it was boring as a funeral and a lot more sleazy. I looked my two friends, they looked at me, we said, let's go home and home we are.

Nothing really planned between now and next weekend, still don't know if Emily is coming up to Maine for the wedding, and I really can't afford to get Tom a gift but I have to.

You know you are in a car with a bunch of Jews when you pass by a dentist chain called "Gentle Dental" and someone in the car goes "gentile dental?" that's weird, as I said, you know your Jewish when...........

Just ordered some groceries, my card may bounce,(it's a debit card, I still can't get a credit one)

Things seem to be looking up, we shall see, I am probably jinxing it by saying so out loud but I feel like come July first I will have a job, of course that's just in time for a ten day cross country junket for which I will probably loose said job and can't get the tickets refunded but we shall see what happens.

posted by Adam Saturday, June 07, 2003

Friday, June 06, 2003

What a wonderful day. First off I slept till noon, this was wonderful. I then went out to sweet Fenway Park. There was a fundraiser for a local charity, (ironically the same one I am trying to have employ me) and a close friend's law firm was playing a softball game so he invited a few of his friends to come along. It was awesome, I have been to Fenway several times but never stood on the field, touched a foul pole, sat atop the green monster or watched a game from the first row. We took a tour of the park and sat in the press box, saw the Sox hall of fame and I called my dad while I was sitting in the he new Monster seats, I told him I was sitting on top of the Green Monster his reply "is that what you guys call your toilet?" no dad, I'm at Fenway :) After the games we went out for a bite, it was truly great to sit back and talk with three people who were a huge part of my college life and who I know will be lifelong friends, they are not only great people who I care about very much, but they are also brilliant and it just reminded me that the intellectual level I am able to be a part of is truly rare and something I should cherish. There was another fellow there, a guy from the Reich campaign who was a fellow Deis grad. I've often had my doubts about him for several reasons and though he can be zany and a bit over the top he's also a pretty good guy, certainly motivated by right things, But all in all it was a really great night and I look forward to spending more time with those guys in the future.

So I emailed Bob today and asked if he would be willing to write a note to the person I was interviewing with for a particular job. He is one of the most genuine and honest people I know, he not only emailed her but if he believes even half of the things he said in the letter he BCC'ed to me than I am truly honored and humbled. To have a person that I respect that much, say some of the really wonderful things he said about me was astounding. Wow is really call I can say

A friend emailed me about another job in the Boston area today, a job I'd be good for and have several great in roads to. I know the guy leaving the job, I know the President of the non-profit and I have about a two week heads up from now till when the job is posted, so that's pretty good. We'll see if that materializes into anything.

The state Deems won't give me a fee waiver so I guess I am going to go to the convention anyway via a guest pass, it should be interesting, or completely dull and boring, but either way it will probably mean I won't be updating till some time Saturday, see you then.

posted by Adam Friday, June 06, 2003

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

if my roommates watch one more unrealistic, over dramatized, and all too happy damn chick flick it's going to drive me nuts. The whole premise of these movies just offends me, it never turns out all candy and roses, it usually turns out much worse in anger and bitterness or just sadness, this is not a comment on my mood as I am actually feeling pretty happy on the he whole, but it is a comment on why Hollywood has less relevance in my life every day, and is grounded in almost no reality, comedies thrive on not being realistic romance cheesy as shit chick flicks claim to be realistic when in reality are the polar opposite.

It seems I am very much in the running for a job in SF doing advocacy for people with disabilities, I am not at all sure I want to be boxed into working with fellow disabled folks but it's a great opportunity, I'd be good at the job, and I am going to keep my fingers crossed about it, plus it's a good reason to relocate.

really low on funds right now, need to buy groceries but not being able to afford to buy them since I don't have a credit card right now is very bad. I am not asking for much, really, a job that allows me to pay rent and eat, maybe a little left over to save, or spend on personal entertainment you'd think a piece of paper from Brandeis would make that possible, wouldn't you?

Other than that very light day, the next few days though should be fun, going tot he Fens tomorrow night, and lovely Lowell, aka Cracktown USA Friday and Saturday, oy I just realized I have to get a gift for my friends wedding next weekend, wow, I really can't afford those groceries.Oh damn it, I am low on my pills two, how the hell does unemployment expect 92 a week to cut it.

Middle East peace, I'm reminded of 93 and a certain White House ceremony, it caused nothing but grief for all the involved parties, I hope ten years later there is a difference.

posted by Adam Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

wow are my dogs barking, and by dogs I do mean feet. Those dress shoes have been fairly cruel to my cute wittle feetsies but I can't buy new ones anytime soon. On a related topic I did some great clothes shipping in Maine on Saturday, HUGE KUDOS to Men's Warehouse, great selection, insanely good service and alterations to pants and the like in TWENTY minutes, not a full week, wild and great, plus, free pressing on shirts pants and sport coats at any Mens Warehouse in the country, FOR LIFE, can you beat that, I think not, oh, and the price ain't half bad either.

So I have a long day because I had an informational lunch/interview with a really nice and really well connected guy who could be a huge help in the job hunt, Aside from that my interview for a grant-writing position went fairly well I think, I mean I am not sure, it was rather short and very few questions were actually asked of me however we got along very well and had a lot to talk about, beyond that she did tell me what the next steps in the process were without my asking, so I figure that's a good sign.

Went to a toastmasters meeting tonight to check it out, I was thoroughly unimpressed, I have actually offered to teach public speaking/interviewing lessons to people I've posted an ad on craigslist and talked to several people we will see what happens, I figure $25 per session is fair.

Nothing to report really in the area of the opposite gender, Sara and I are good friends, which is a bit of shame but it's ok given the geographic situation and it's never bad to have a good friend, I am sure we will hang out some when I got SF and when she gets back to Brandeis Em is cool, I really enjoy hanging out with her but I am not sure there are any sparks there, on either part, and to be fair, I am very much interested in one woman, she's moved on to another phase in her life after Brown, but we will see what happens, not putting any pressure on it. Hopefully I will have a relationship soon.

Ok singing off for now.

posted by Adam Tuesday, June 03, 2003

Life may have it's up and downs. When you ad up the good, the bad, the mundane and the spectacular, as Harry Chapin realized in his anthem to the dreamers, there was no choice to be made, doing what was in your heart was always the only choice to be made, that's how I live my life, and it's what you see here. Questions, Comments, want to just let me know someone is actually reading this thing? zimm719@yahoo.com

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