There only was one choice

Saturday, October 25, 2003

THE JOKER

I have to wonder why it is I always try to tell people the same warn out stories that I find funny, and most people find funny too, problem is some of them are simply fabrications and nearly all of them do not paint in a very flattering light, why then do I utter them within my first interactions with so many people. I think it has a lot to do with wanting to be accepted, even if it as a goofball. Perhaps it is because, for all of my recent self-awareness I still don't actually like myself all that much and so I figure if I don't spin tales there isn't much else there for people to like. I think we all do this to a degree and it is something I have most definitely improved on lately but still it persists in general and that does need to change even more.

This diet thing might kill me, but I've been doing quite well, despite the intense pain my body has been racked with since I started lifting weights.

So, ten days from now John will either be a city councilor or not and either way I will be without employ, that's ok though I plan to give myself a few days to wind down and then come Monday the 10th hit the pavement hard-core. The Brandeis tournament should be a nice break from all of it.

Having dinner with a friend tonight who, to be honest, I'd rather were more than a friend, but I have no idea where she is with that concept, just play it cool Zim, see what happens.

Last night I was watching the Elizabeth Smart thing on TV, man, there is something insidious about having this fifteen year old girl interviewed for the nation to see after what she went though, and the fact that her family is making money off it, also seems very wrong, there's something about her father that just screams either religious zealot or just general slimeball, she's been through enough in her life let the girl alone.

I love W, so he is trying to spin the Iraq effort as an international coalition, those 55 Estonian troops, now that's massive international cooperation if ever I've seen it. I mean come on seriously this jackass even if four countries gave us $1 and 5 troops he'd call that a rousing success. I know all politicians spin but the sad part if people are buying it. No wonder the line of work I've loved for so long is making me sick, this is what it all comes to, spin spin spin and lie to the people, I'm not interested in it any more.

posted by Adam Saturday, October 25, 2003

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

SHACKLED

So many of us are shackled in our lives, be it to a job, a pattern we just can't get out of, but do we choose those shackles, can we break them if we try hard enough, or are we fated to wear them for all time. I hope the answer is the former, I believe it is, because the alternative is terrifying isn't it?

This tops has been brewing for awhile now. The Sox lost again, not only is that a hopeless pattern but it's something that despite the glee and hopeful praying of Red Sox Nation, we all knew it couldn't happen, I mean I made my last post three innings before Boone's home run, but we, collectively, just knew.

I've also been watching someone that I care about repeat a pattern a lot, she feels used for her body, by a guy she's been seeing, he makes her cry far more than he makes her smile and yet, each time he calls she goes running back and hops inevitably into bed with him. I feel bad for her because no matter how logically she and I talk about, she stills make the painful, and for her wrong, choice each time, I wish I could do something to help her, it hurts me to see her hurting herself, and it makes me want to strangle the SOB whose making her feel like that, the true problem of it all is, it's not unique to this guy or this girl, it's a pattern so many women who deserve so so much better, fall into.

Work has been good, even if monotonous, I've also been working hard on trying to develop solid leads post November 5, nothing yet, but I feel like it will happen,.

I think Dad is finally going to find his own place, it's about damn time . I t seems to be upsetting my sister but all in all we all know it's long over due, and it just means Dad can finally move to Zona like he wants in a few more months, and finally be happy, which he, of all people, really does deserve

My eyes have acting up a bit lately, the sight's ok but I think all the stress of work and finding a new job is making my blood pressure go up a bit.

Apples for desert, grilled chicken and vegetables for dinner, salad for lunch, and I don't hate it, what's wrong with me?

I guess if I can stick to this little meal plan, maybe we aren't permanently shackled after all

posted by Adam Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Thursday, October 16, 2003

So I guess this is the Sox eulogy, they had this game, it's still going on, they are goign to the bottom of the ninth right now, but it's over, everyone knows it, everyone can feel it, the Red Sox will do it next year, maybe? All I know is this one hurts, hurts a lot

posted by Adam Thursday, October 16, 2003

PLEASE COME TO BOSTON

That right there is what every single member of Red Sox Nation is hoping the Marlins (who buy the way had no business of beating the cubbies) will be doing after tomorrow night. Somehow, against all odds and my own beliefs, they did it today. Now the Red Sox fan in me knows not to set myself up for heartbreak, while my heart wants so badly to believe, my head knows I'll be left in shreds by midnight tomorrow if I do.

Reich was moderating a panel tonight for a city council debate, it always makes me feel really wonderful when he seeks me out in a crowd, I mean tonight to say he came bounding up to me as soon as I walked in would not be overstating it, I can't tell you how amazing that makes me feel, oh and John did very well at the debate.

So I haven't heard back from Maya since calling her Monday night, that's worrisome, perhaps I fucked up again?

I have got to do laundry, it's been close to a month already.

So we have one intern who reminds me so much of a Harry Chapin song, "She is always 17" we used to say that about Brandzy, and it's true, but this young lady, Ivona, is sophomore at Harvard and is, in fact from Croatia, and is also in fact 17, yes she is very intelligent and so enthusiastic, she's promised me 45 votes from Harvard students, if she can actually do that we just may win despite our absolutely insane volunteers. You go girl

I didn't know the girl from Brandeis who died in the tragedy off the Cape this week, but my thoughts and prayers will be with her family, how awful, not only did they loose their daughter this week but her older brother was taken from them in the 9/11 attacks,. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like, so so sad, that's all that can be said.

posted by Adam Thursday, October 16, 2003

Monday, October 13, 2003

DIRTY WATER

How I love that dirty water, OH BOSTON YOU'RE MY HOME!
2-2, Lowe going at home, I like our chances baby. I should comment briefly about Game 3, is it wrong to pitch inside, no, is it wrong to bean a guy on the back, yes, if you are throwing at him, was Pedro throwing at him, probably, but then again Pedro is a VERY smart pitcher and it made no baseball sense to do so. Was Don Zimmer wrong to go at Pedro, yes, was Pedro wrong to treat him like the charging bull he was NO! Were Nelson and Garcia acting like thugs by beating up a guy doing his job and also rooting for the team paying his salary, yes. enough said

Harvard tourney was ok, I only made one day, had a more pressing matter on Saturday, more on that later. I saw some people I had wanted to see, was a bit put off by the rounds I got, not that they were bad, but given that Russo is the only judge there with more experience than I it made no sense for me to have a 1-1 round third round at a 160 team tournament.

long but good day of work today, we finally got a second computer. I really don't know what is going to happen but I do feel like I have the respect of people who were at first very skeptical about John hiring me, and the fortune cookies tonight were good so we shall see, three weeks out now.

Yesterday was great, I did nothing at all, did cook though, trying to diet again, tonight's dinner didn't help but I am really trying, will power, will power, where fort art thou will power?

So Maya and I watched the Sox game together Saturday, she lives really close by, and is even cuter than I remembered from the T, we had a good time and went and got some Indian food for dinner taking it back to my place and talked a lot, it was nice. I am not sure what will happen, I mean, she is just getting out of a long thing now, and I am not sure how it really went, but I feel good, and we do plan to hang out again soon. Just maybe, no pressure though, that's the key, wait and see, that's all.

So I bumped into an old friend on the he street, she is trying to get me to help out Clark, as is Dave, but I don't know, he just doesn't make me go "wow now there's a guy I'd be proud to have as our President, I am glad he does that for my friends, and Dean does it for some others but I can not put my heart and soul into something I don't believe in, and if I am going to work on a campaign I have to be able to put my all into it, at least emotionally, give me a reason to be inspired and I'll bleed for you, don't and I won't raise a finger.

posted by Adam Monday, October 13, 2003

Thursday, October 09, 2003

ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER

Wow another title with so many meanings. First and foremost they did it, I thought "Wakefield going in game one, no way" but the knuckle broke right, the middle of the order accounted for four of the five runs and the bullpen held it together, it's only one but man what a sweet one it is, win one more and then it's up to Pedro it really could happen, you gotta believe.

We set goals tonight, for the number of votes in each precinct that we need to get to put John over the top, some ambitious, some not so, but all reachable and all of them would ad up to a winning campaign, exciting for me too that I got to really be the one guiding that process.

Ali and I talked today, which is good, I've got to find a way to really get over her for both of our sakes, but how can you simply get over someone who means the world to you, I just have to, that's all there is to it.

Bill O'Reily is such a slime ball, he refers to anyone who dares challenge him as "defamers" (this putz makes up words left and right), claims to be ideologically neutral and yet I have NEVER heard him say good things about liberals or bad ones about right-wingers. When a caller praises him without sighting facts he extols his own virtues and probably pushes his book or his freaking doormats, but when a caller dares challenge the King of all Ego he bullies them or just hangs up. I mean this guy is just about as low as it gets, "ok?", "alright?", "I'm just lookin' out for you."

I am going to the Harvard tourney this weekend, it will be good to get to see the Brandeis kids, meet the novii and of course judge as well

So a girl I met on the T a while back just emailed me tonight, I guess we are going to go out sometime soon, pretty surreal and out of the blue, who knows.

Everyone with these blog things seems to put a comment field, a title or links in their entries, I'd love to do that but haven't the foggiest clue how one would do it, I so need to learn computer programming, but hey, I can now do mail merges and navigate Access like a champ.

I feel bad, my roommate is really not liking her job, she's a recent college grad and has kid of been given baptism by fire at a good sized law firm downtown, she's a paralegal and she feels in over her head. She's worried if she tells people that they may fire her, I am going to try and make a few calls for her to see if we can't find her something that will make her happier

Grahms is out of the race for the Democratic nod, who knew he was in? On that note, can someone explain o me why, for any good reason, I as a proud liberal should be inspired by ANY of the nine remaining candidates, I mean they are all better than the Shrub but wtf, we used to have visionaries, inspirational people in our party, did they all die, Senator Wellstone you may have been the last, hard to believe it was a year almost that we lost you.

Today was two years since Lance died, wow that hardly seems possible. For those who don't know me Lance was my 10 1/2 year old golden, he died at a particularly bad time for me and it was that event that caused me to turn my back on G-d for about 18 months of my life. Lance was the best, really dumb about some things, brilliant in other ways and he never did quite understand he wasn't still a puppy, that day will live forever in my mind but so will so many of the good days with my buddy, my desktop now is a picture of me, at age 12 with him asleep on my lap at five weeks old. I miss you Lance

Long entry today, goodnight all

posted by Adam Thursday, October 09, 2003

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

BACK IN BLACK

Ok, so that kind of assumes I'm wearing black, which I'm not but anyway, you get the point.

Where have I been for two months? Working, working HARD and working well. I'm at a really good place on several fronts.

The campaign is going well, it is very hard work but only one month to go and I feel like we just may pull this thing off. I've also come to realize that I was slightly unfair to the Reich campaign, with any amount of responsibility comes stress, I didn't handle that stress so well on the Reich campaign, I think I am doing better here. I have my hands in everything, as a campaign manager should. I am writing press releases, planning events, managing volunteers and our mini intern army, as well as really getting to plan grassroots strategy in terms of how we reach voters, it's a good time and as with all jobs each day, each week and the campaign as a whole has it's ups and downs, it's how you respond to them that counts, I'm working on it but I am handling stress much better than in previous times.

I'll admit that the prospect of being unemployed in one month is scary but I am confident it won't be ten months this time.

Women are a total mystery to me, this past weekend I had a fabulous date, we laughed, danced, tried new food, listened to great music, really told eachother about who we are, and I did nothing to screw it up, didn't pressure it, or anything like I usually do, and still she informs me friends is where she wants us to be, and don't get me started on Allison, that just about ripped my heart out Friday night.

As for the living situation, I moved out of 142 Davis in Brookline, one week after moving into my new place in Brookline I moved out of there too, to call it a shithole would be an insult to shitholes world wide, so here I am, halfway between Harvard and Central Squares in Cambridge. My roommates are two very great people and so far, one full month in, I have no complaints at all.

My relationship with G-d has been great, I didn't go to shul for either of the high holidays but that was ok, I talked, I repented and I listened too, no I didn't here G-ds voice but I was where I needed to be,

As I am writing this they are proclaiming that Ahhhnold is the new governor of cahlifournya, is this a joke or what. Not only do I find the recall itself problematic but moreover it is just plain a travesty of democracy that a man is going to be Governor of the 9th largest economy in the world because he was a lousy action move actor whose name the imbecile voters of California knew, I may not like the guys politics but I'd feel this way about Striesand too and the other Republican running, McClintok had FAR more credentials, and to think I am actually considering moving out there, at least I respect Romney.

Red Sox pulled it out last night, they nearly stopped my heart in doing so, but they did, and now it's the Sox Yanks, the way it should be,. I've mentioned it to some of you all before, can you imagine it, World Series games at Fenway and Wrigley, someone's pain finally ends, how perfectly story-book would that be? It could happen, for one of those two teams, Next Year is Here!

COWBOY UP!!!!

posted by Adam Wednesday, October 08, 2003