There only was one choice

Friday, November 21, 2003

THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN'

For years now I've had periods of "alright it's diet time". I actually stuck to it for about two months once, lost nearly 50 lbs. Today though I realized something. I don't like the way I look, that negative image of myself makes me portray myself negatively to others, kills any confidence I should deservedly have in myself and sabotages my own success. May 20th 2004 will be three years since I left Brandeis, by that date I will look, and feel like a very different person, I know many of you have heard this before, but it is going to happen, because it has to, it is, in the end, a matter of life and death.

I also am done using my sight as an excuse for everything, for my weight, for my laziness, for not having a job, for not having a girlfriend, any of it. I need to just accept it. It's funny because I've said I am grateful for my sight, even actually thanked G-d for it, but i haven't in myself, accepted it and said "ok, so that's your reality, now stop bitching about it and work around it" It's time I do that too.

posted by Adam Friday, November 21, 2003

Thursday, November 20, 2003

EASY STREET

That's where I'd like very much to find myself. Yet since I've been back from my little junket south of the Mason-Dixon I find myself sitting here trying desperately day after day to write the needed cover letters for various applications. I've finally done it, I took the merged letters to Kinkos, only to get a call this morning that for some reason they can't do what I need done and to beat it all my printer has decided it would prefer not to take messages to print from my computer, to say I feel like the world is conspiring to keep me jobless is a vast understatement. I am trying to remain centered, not to get angry but I just feel such despair, I feel like I am never going to have that feeling of success that every human yearns for.

I am looking forward to the upcoming holiday season for the first time in a long time. It will be the last Thanksgiving in Maine. We are having a Christmas party at the apartment which is shaping up to be one hell of a shin dig. And for the first time in close to five years, my New Years plans seem like they will actually be enjoyable.

I am not sure with is happening with a job on one of the Presidentials but I am traveling to NH this weekend to volunteer my time.

My relationship with G-d has not weakened at all but for whatever reason it hasn't been foremost in my mind as I'd like it to be, I kind of miss our late night talks. I guess I am feeling pretty run down by the end of the day, spending ten hours a day in front of my computer looking for job leads is very draining, and so I've just been collapsing at night, I need to work on that.

I enjoy my roommates a lot but I also have been feeling very lonely lately, the people in this world that matter the most to me just aren't near Boston, save two really, anymore and that's hard for me.

I want very much to be in San Fran, I'm finding myself submitting applications for jobs I am seriously over-qualified for, jobs that I'd not apply for if they were Boston based, I am just ready for a change, and the fact that my little brother just told me he's moving to San Diego in six months and Dad is still planning to head to Zona, maybe the Zimmermans are moving West, I sure hope so, soon at least for me.

posted by Adam Thursday, November 20, 2003

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

NOVEMBER RAIN

We didn't win, I'm not sure what more I can say, it was close, very close, John didn't want a recount, it seems it wouldn't have mad a difference anyway it's a shame for Cambridge, for John, his supporters and for my wallet.

The next day I headed for Florida, had a great flight and a good week. Took in Miami Law, not sure it made me want to go to law school myself but man, law students stress way too much, for me at least much of what I saw was simply rather intuitive and not worth wasting 12 hours a day with my face in a book.
Then it was on to Boca for three days, great times with Eric and his family, wow if I thought the house in Maine was big, this thing is unreal it was like staying a hotel. Anyway despite their tiny stature his mom's four dogs are adorable. Spent time with some of his friends, who are good people even if ideologically wrong-headed went to a great dueling piano bar literally on the he beach in Boca, also saw mystic river since it was raining Monday, solid movie, twisted and Tim Robbins does a great Boston accent.
Got a chance to see cousin Eric and his fiancee' and their 3 year old nick, it was really cool, also saw my cousins from NY which again, was great.

Now back in Boston, just before I left we had an attempted break in at the apartment, everything is fine but Sarah, who was home when they tried to break into her room was a bit shaken by it, understandably so. It is good to be home here, and it is even better to feel like this apartment is home, thanks to my roommates.

Looks as though I may be headed for NH soon, we'll see, not sure if I want that but a jobs a job

posted by Adam Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Sunday, November 02, 2003

8 DAYS A WEEK

It's early Sunday morning, I am at the office, working on coming up with a phone list for calling for the next two days. I've been working very hard, as I should be, lately. Hard enough that despite my advice not being listened to, my candidate being awfully rude to myself and some other folks, we may just win on Tuesday. There won't be much sleep between now and 8pm Tuesday but, by 4:30 pm Wednesday afternoon I'll be Miami bound. That's right, I realized I just need an escape for a few days, for mental health. I don't want to think about impending unemployment, bills, I just want to unwind from the campaign. I'll be doing that by spending some time with Schteino and Easy E, along with Cousin Eric and his fiancee and her son as well hopefully getting to see Judy, Elliot, and Francy, they are three of my cousins several times removed but I've always been very close with the New York cousins, all of whom are now living in South Florida, ah Boca, where all good Jews go to die.

Good call by lil' Theo calling Manny's bluff, now let's hope we can find someone to take the overgrown 12 year old with the 20 million a year salary and amazing stroke.

Listening to Sunday Morning Blues on ZLX while I work, man I love this music it evokes so much passion, wish I had that kind of passion for this job, and for politics in general like I used to, but that seems to have hit a lull, which to be honest I am not sure I'll ever come out of.

T-Minus 57 hours and counting..........

posted by Adam Sunday, November 02, 2003