There only was one choice

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

I'll take the epitome of randomness for one million Alex. I bumped into one person who I used to work with at overnight camp who, last I knew, was from Wisc. and went to college in DC she's apparently here for med school, and my old roommate was also found on the T, she had moved back to jersey but now is back for grad school as well. wow, strange day, and DAMN that was some thunderstorm.

So it seems like I did it again, mis-interpreted some stuff, and set myself up to get hurt, but it's totally my own fault, I just feel really numb right now, damn it zimmy will you ever learn, it's just something that you aren't meant to find. I am really good at pushing, pressuring, something call it what you will, it's totally unintentional but I just know that if I don't end up committed quickly they will see how imperfect I am and as such will no doubt find someone far better DAMN IT!

Despite the rain this had been a pretty good day, had being the operative word

Home tomorrow, gee that should be freaking glorious

Did set up two interviews for early next week, keeping my fingers crossed, amazingly one of them has actually seen a writing sample and still wants me, they must be illiterate.

Zimmy hungry, can't afford food, maybe I should just eat the cat

posted by Adam Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Mid June is fast approaching, and as of yet, we have no location and no speaker for an event that somehow I got stuck with organizing, not fun

A few solid leads for work, and an improved resume, though I am annoyed that the telemarketing thing never called back to arrange an interview

this coco montoya CD is amazing, what a great guitarist and wow has it given me a love for real blues, if you've never heard of him I highly recommend it.

UL has really played a substantial role in my life for the last several months and I would like to make it a larger one, hopefully I will have that chance.

So it looks like I will be staying with my cousins in San Jose while I am out that way, I don't really know them that well, but they come from the fairly normal side of the family so it shouldn't be too bad, beyond that I don't plan to spend too much time there, I figure mostly I'll be in the city or looking at grad schools, oh and of course the wedding, the reason for my coming.

Everyday I keep reminding myself that life could be far worse, my eyes may be acting up some, but I mean that's something I've learned to deal with, I may not have a job, but someday soon that should change, I have a place to live, for now, and even if I don't have a job in September I will have a home somewhere, I have people in my life that care, I would be lying if I said there hadn't been times when I would call myself depressed but all in all life is pretty good and it can only get better, I have no fear anymore because fear and doubt can only hold me back, from now on when people ask me how I am, it won't be "not bad" that's focusing on the negative, it will be"I'm doing good thank you" My friends and family will always stand by me, I know that, but I would think I am a lot less fun to be around when I am always down, so being positive focusing on the good things in life, that's where I want to be, that's the only way to make a change for the better, and keep in mind, this all comes from me, inside me, no matter how many times some tells you to think positive, you really do have to come to that on your own, no shrinks, no long drawn out talks with people, it's all about your own incentives. There is much to improve, but there is so much to be happy about too, and let's face it, happiness is a lot more enjoyable for yourself and those who love you.

posted by Adam Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Monday, May 26, 2003

It's raining, it's still raining, it's been raining and it doesn't appear to be stopping anytime soon

It's the M.A.S.H. Memorial Day marathon this is a very good show, and for all the humor they certainly do not make light of war, in any way,.

Also watching Clemens try to get 300 against the Sox, good guys are up 1-0 right now, and I have to say, it just wouldn't be right to have him do it against a team that he won 192 games with, and for that smug redneck to say he wants go into the hall as a Yankee is just another slap in the face to Boston, yes, he's a great pitcher, and certainly one of the best of all time, but the attitude he has shown towards a city that treated him likes it's favorite son for so many years is just plain offensive.

So this Saturday will be the first bachelor party I'll ever have attended and I am going to say it's probably not going to be that wild, not knowing Tom and His brothers and friends, it'll probably be a bar-B-q and maybe a bar downtown. the other two weddings this summer, I don't really expect any sort of raucus bachelor party either, given who the grooms are :)

A friend posted something in her journal that got me thinking, I'll repost it here, now remember don't fill out what you'd like the answers to be, it should be things that really reflect what fits you best.

If I were a month I would be: May
If I were a day of the week I would be: Thursday
If I were a time of day I would be: 7pm
If I were a planet I would be: Saturn
If I were a sea animal I would be: Dolphin
If I were a direction I would be: Northeast
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: Recliner
If I were a sin I would be: Pride
If I were a historical figure I would be: John Adams
If I were a liquid I would be: Root Beer
If I were a stone, I would be: slate
If I were a tree, I would be: pine
If I were a bird, I would be: falcon
If I were a tool, I would be: screwdriver
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: something green
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: snow
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: phoenix
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: sax
If I were an animal, I would be: dog
If I were a color, I would be: royal blue
If I were an emotion, I would be: contemplation
If I were a vegetable, I would be: celery
If I were a sound, I would be: falling rain
If I were an element, I would be: water
If I were a car, I would be: some American made convertible
If I were a song, I would be: from RENT “There’s only us”
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Kevin Smith
If I were a book, I would be written by: Al Franken
If I were a food, I would be: grilled chicken Caesar
If I were a place, I would be: home where ever that may be
If I were a material, I would be: satin
If I were a taste, I would be: sweet with a hint of sour
If I were a scent, I would be: just after a warm summer rain
If I were a religion, I would be: Jewish
If I were a word, I would be: Idealist
If I were an object, I would be: a TV
If I were a body part I would be: a tongue
If I were a facial expression I would be: intrigued
If I were a subject in school I would be: theatre
If I were a cartoon character I would be: bits and pieces of all five Simpsons
If I were a shape I would be: round
If I were a number I would be: 19

those are my answers, what are yours?

posted by Adam Monday, May 26, 2003

Saturday, May 24, 2003

So I know my hearing is supposed to be great given my poor eyesight, but I was talking with someone this afternoon and thought that at the very end of our conversation I heard something if, true, blew me away, but I am not sure if I heard right, and how do you ask someone something like that? you can't oy this is going to drive me up a wall

Dreary day, got a lot of good reading done today, and also of course watched the Sox game, go Nomar, 24 games and counting.

It's been a pretty light day, we'll see what happens to perchance make the weekend a little more interesting.

posted by Adam Saturday, May 24, 2003

Friday, May 23, 2003

Well, pretty light day, I was supposed to have lunch with an old friend today but they called around 10 to tell me she couldn't make it, would have been cool to see her but hopefully we can catch up at some point.

I am really bored tonight, was thinking about either catching Bruce Almighty, or maybe, if they have rush tickets, seeing Tick, Tick Boom, the new play by Jonathan Larson, the writer of Rent.

So last night's dinner was interesting, I whipped up a real storm and yet there were no sparks, not a one, I think that basically there is a reason for that, and that reason has a name, I've kinda already told her that, she's the one that I wish had been there last night.

Honestly it's weekends like this that really annoy me, I would so LOVE to be able to take a road trip, just me and my car, or a bike, but I can't do that for obvious reasons, I just feel like it would be great to go see some place nice, not spend any money, and relax, just think about stuff that's been weighing on me lately, we'll see, but alas this eyesight is stopping me from being able to get away, as per usual.

posted by Adam Friday, May 23, 2003

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Well it's been quite a 24 hours, something is clearly dying in the fridge but I can't seem to identify it, and since I have virtually nothing in there, it's not mine.

Watching the Colonial right now, my dad may be a great golfer but I've never been a huge fan, I watch it now and again, but more importantly this tournament is where Annika Sorenstam is playing, and that's pretty damn cool to me. I say go for it, if she can play with the boys let her play, if she makes the cut after tomorrow that's just amazing, is she going to win, no, probably not, but she doesn't have to win to prove anything to anyone she just has to go out and play. I do wonder what sort of precedent this sets though in terms of what if a guy decides he wants to play in the LPGA, that doesn't' seem to me like it would be ok, but who knows.

I feel kinda bad about falling asleep so early last night, missed out a chance to talk to someone that I really enjoy talking to, someone who makes my day better when I get that chance.

Those are the most adorable wedding invites I've ever seen, funny that a few of us were talking and half in jest I said I'll bet there will be an encouragement to bring sleeping bags, never thought I was right, but that should be very cool, am I going to have to sleep outside due to my snoring?

So, though I am not so much a fan of all things Reality TV, I have to just comment on the phenomenon of people like the various "bachelors" "bachelorettes" "millionaires" or what not. As much as I think the choosers have ALOT of flaws and I have very little respect for them, they truly have in EVERY instance chosen the person who I never thought they would choose, the "nice guy/gal" and really made me believe that people, ultimately, do want good people, people who will make them happy, it's really pretty great though I have to wonder , the cynic in me thinks it could all be a fix, because good people never win that much, unfortunately.

posted by Adam Thursday, May 22, 2003

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Good news bad news kind of thing, they appear to want me, for a third round of interviews at the very least, however I learned today that it really is a glorified telemarketing gig. I would hate myself each and every day, but for once in my life I am probably going to put my needs ahead of my wants, if that doesn't tell you how badly I want a job nothing will, those of you who know me best know I swore I'd never sell people things they don't want or need, oops,.

Peapod by stop'n'shop is fabulous, just point, click and whamo the food is at your place the next day, and hell it's cheaper than taking a cab back from the store, also a wonderful excuse for my own personal laziness.........SWEET

so the looney roommate is taking a nap, and yet her music is blasting out of the dvd player, and I am quite certain that if I shut it off she will go ape shite, didn't think we needed a psych evaluation on perspective roommates, I was wrong, evidence for last comment, a phone that is perpetually off the hook, because she just can't be bothered to take it out of her room and/or learn how to shut the phone off,, beyond that the smell of bleach is permeating the whole apartment, can you say OCD about cleaning?

Looking forward to Maine next week, not the zoo that is my house but my friends bachelor party, a fundraiser for our Congressman who is a good guy and a good friend, and of course my 4 and 8 year old cousins dance recital, should be cute

Hey, enjoy the play, I'm sure it will be great

Didn't know standard cross country mail took a whole week, that's a bit much even for big Brown

posted by Adam Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

So I had a really good day yet again, went out and deposited some checks, which is always good, but then I thought, you know, I haven't gone out and bought new music in a while, so I went to the Virgin Megastore near Newbury and got three new CDs' a Billie Holiday, a Coco Montoya, and a new Harry Chapin (Sara I almost bought a Tom Chapin one as per our conversation from last night but felt odd as a 24 year old man standing in the kids section)

So the threat level is now Orange, what, pray tell does this actually do, it tells people that, oh shit we think something really bad is going to happen, we won't tell you what's up, we'll just say there is "chatter" also translated "So um, bad stuff is possible, everyone panic and suspect all Arabs" Bottom line, if something is going to happen there is pretty much only one thing you can do, BEND OVER AND KISS YOUR ASS GOODBYE, it would suck, no doubt, but life happens and you can be vigilant sure, but you can't live in fear since, as so many have said, that is exactly what they want

On that note, it is truly amazing to see what happened in the West Bank today, everyday average Palestinians are rising up against the terrorists, blaming them for Israeli repression, not the Israelis, not only is this correct on their part, but more importantly it's what MUST happen for their to ever be peace. Not only does it send a message that the Palestinian people are more behind Abbas then they ever were Arafat but it's also a counter example to young people that the opinion of the terrorists isn't the only one in the Palestinian community, let's hope this is the start of a trend and not just a flash in the pan, oh and Israel, I love ya, but this is a sign for you too, they aren't all terrorists, most of them want peace just as much as you do, take that to heart when responding to the fringe nuts by steaming rolling those that want peace, that's what gives terrorist their rallying cry.

Well, if I am lucky enough to get this job tomorrow, I will have to start looking for a new apartment in the Boston area. I can either live in the city, i.e. North end, Back bay, or east Cambridge or on one of the commuter lines that go into North station, we'll see, all counting chickens before they have offered me a job, I am feeling good about my chances but I shouldn't be putting the cart before the horse, or any other premature analogy you can think of

posted by Adam Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Monday, May 19, 2003

Good day today, got the sleep issue pretty fixed I belive. went out and had a nice time in the he beautiful weather, did some phone work for Hoffman, UL and my own job hunt, arranged an interview for Wednesday, I think if I want this job I'll be able to get it, and at this point, though it's admittedly not ideal, I'll gladly take it.

Emily is coming over for dinner Thursday, that has given me reason to clean, and clean, and clean, the apartment and my room is far cleaner, and MUCH less duty than it was, though I STILL can't find my two favorite ties. I figure if I get this job I can afford to do a lot of things I have wanted to do, buy some new clothes, re-jon the gym, (don't ask, small credit card mix up-) and maybe, just maybe, afford to do things like eat and enjoy my trip to San Fran in two months.

Wrote another song today, about baseball, rivalries, and the spirit and passion of sports, wow, I'm a geek.

posted by Adam Monday, May 19, 2003

Sunday, May 18, 2003

I've really gotta work on figuring out when exactly meat is done, I may have caused myself to implode yet again

Had a long day today but it was very enjoyable. I woke up at 2:30 this morning and figured it was best to stay awake the whole day, so that when I finally hit the sack in a few hours I can get a reasonably normal nights sleep and beyond that, I can wake up in the, get this, morning, and hopefully keep myself on that kind of normal schedule for tie in perpetuity. So when trying to stay awake today I took myself down to Park Street, walked around the Common a bit, but laid down while listening to some music, realized I was going to drift off so I got up and walked up and down Beacon Hill four times, down all the narrow beautiful streets, some amazing houses and I walked up and down that hill, wow is it steep.

Seems like the US may actually have the right idea bout the Saudi government, the prime example of a government that talks out of one side of it's mouth and then uses the other side to spit on the West while using both hands to shuttle money to the terrorists. It's a good thing Bush has a track record of going after the real problems and not going on random personal crusades, oh, WAIT!

The Sox start a series with the dreaded Yankees tomorrow, it's three games, if the Sox can win two out of three, or better yet sweep they will be in the division lead, that'd be great, so would a consistent bullpen, but that's a whole other issue.

Today was graduation at Brandeis BC and BU, quite a day for young people in Boston. Some will be heading to grad school, others to jobs in high finance and the like, others will find that President Bush has ruined our economy and as such they will be unemployed. If any of you are reading this, this fight is long, it is tough, and there will be days you feel hopeless, there will be good days too, but you all did something amazing, you got a degree and while the job market may suck right now it will be something you will be grateful for in the future, besides, as I realized just yesterday, it's better to fail now, and struggle for every dime when you are young, you hopefully have a support system to fall back on, everyone, and I mean everyone has mountains to climb in life, may it be that everyone has to climb the highest of these when they don't have a family to support, credit to ruin, or a something else, fail when you are young, it'll prepare you much better for when you succeed later on.

Being this tired I should be dragging, curled up in bed, maybe it's a fourth or fifth wind, or all three triple Grande white mochas, but whatever it is, I am feeling unduly happy.

posted by Adam Sunday, May 18, 2003

Saturday, May 17, 2003

Rather lazy weekend, I've stayed in the last few nights due partially to boredom, partially to just not having many people to hang out with, and partially to needing to conserve every dime I can. I need to earn some money, and fast, I have to be able to afford to be in the bay area for ten days, that's going to be very hard on 100 bucks, which at this point I'll be lucky to have, unless something breaks soon, which it could

No sooner had I posted yesterdays post then I gt a call about a potential job arranging educational tours for schools, the pay isn't great but it is 27,000 more than the nothing I am making now but simply by talking about I'm probably jinxing it who knows.

The Preakness was great today, can you say vindication for our man Jose Santos

I'm not sure how to feel about certain things, I know how I do feel, or how I think I feel, but I know I can't actually feel that way, not now, not yet, and I wonder how I can slow my own mind down, I think if I don't it will cause problems, and that's not a good thing. You know more and more though, I want to spread my wings and fly far away from Boston, but then in my heart I know this is place, this city is my home, it's where I belong, I may leave for a few years for grad school, and those that are closest to me may all be gone but something calls me back to the City on the Hill, it's the song of promise, the song of potential, history and beauty, someday I'll look down from high on the Hill, and know that though I left it briefly the ocean never left me, I know now I could never live in middle America I'll be on the Harbor, or by the Bay but those are the only two places you'll find me.

posted by Adam Saturday, May 17, 2003

Friday, May 16, 2003

What a strange few days with respect to sleep, now I need to get myself back on schedule desperately, hopefully that will happen soon.

The job issue is starting to really cause other problems for me. If I don't get a job I can't find a new apartment in Boston, and if I have to move home then I will not really be able to have a relationship with anyone in the he area, which sucks. I don't know what more I can do when it comes to job seeking, but it's really pretty disappointing that I just can't find anything at all.

Other than that not a whole lot new to report on, though I will say I am a huge west wing fan, but incredibly tired of the season finale cliff-hangers, I won't spoil it in case you haven't seen it yet but basically let's re-cap the last four years, Shootings, (who's shot, whose dead, who did it? year two, He has MS will he or won't he run for office, year three the assassination, will they get caught/? and now this? It is also getting very soap operaish and unrealistic, one of the reasons it was so good for the first few years is that all of it was very plausible, that has left the building.

My older roommate by older I mean 45, has gotten even stranger than normal lately, she's erupted at everyone here a few times, and it's not cool, also not cool, I was taking my pills for my eyes, and she looks at me and says "oh, do you take prozac too?" oy, and now her drunk of a boyfriend is here every weekend, he's apparently living at a shelter when he's not here, it's all very sketchy but he is a south Boston Irish guy, so you don't cross those guys not much I can do about it.

I guess todays song is kinda the blues, which is strange given that i don't feel blue. anyway I need to get to one of my volunteer jobs so, I'll be off now, have a beautiful day all.

posted by Adam Friday, May 16, 2003

Thursday, May 15, 2003

First things first, I wish I could figure out how to put titles on my website, oh well, really not that big a deal in the scheme of things.

Today was a good day, talked with someone who has been a great friend and mentor in a very important part of my life, he is moving away because he got a wonderful job offer in New York and I am happy for him as he's also getting married soon but I will be sad to see him go, the number people I am truly close with in Boston is getting smaller and smaller.

Went to a wonderful fundraiser for a great guy tonight. He is running for mayor in San Fran, and I am sure you are saying, why should a Bostonian care about that? Well, he is a true progressive, a person who, irrespective of politics is really there to listen to the voters and is good and honest, which I still belive is what public service is all about. On my way home I had a great conversation with a few folks on the T about that very subject, it is not ok to simply be accepting of the failings of the world, you owe it to yourself, and to society at large to say "yeah, I may never achieve perfection, or even make a dent in the corruption of politics, but that doesn't give me the right to stop trying" I firmly believe that

I guess it is that sentiment that gave birth to the web address for this page. I am a dreamer, and I've been writing a lot of music recently some about people, some about feelings, some about world events. I don't want this page to sound preachy, or overly high-minded. It's a journal it's a place for me to feel safe to say what is going on in my life and in my heart and in my mind and so that's what you are going to see here. My ideas and ideals may be lofty, but I live a pretty simple life, and it's those of you reading this journal my friends, my family, and my fellow dreamers (ok so now I sound like the Rainbow Connection) that make this life and these dreams worth being. You all are my song, and I will be forever grateful for that

I've been having trouble sleeping again, those of who who know me know that's not really a new thing and it's not that troublesome until I am employed and have to work normal hours.

I spoke to my friend again tonight. It really is wonderful how much we have in common and how easy she is to talk to. Have no fear anyone (you included since e I figure you are reading this by now) I am not going to do anything to mess this up, she's a wonderful friend at this point and we will see what happens, I've been quick to fall in the past and I am really glad that is not happening here, not because I don't think that's possible, but because I think I know this could, in due time, be something really great and finally my heart is ready to be patient and let things happen naturally over months and years rather than condensing it all into a week and screwing this up before either of knows what happened. I may have said too much already, Sara, I am sure you'll ask me about this entry next time we talk, and I'll have some explaining to do, maybe blogging again isn't such a good idea

posted by Adam Thursday, May 15, 2003

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Some of you know who I am, some do not, this blog is public, but I don't plan to reveal a whole lot about me myself or I, just the happenings of my life, how I am feeling, where I am and where I want to be.

To all those who know me, thanks for waiting for the new Blog, you all mean a lot to me and I want to share my life with you, just perhaps need to be a bit more careful about just how I do that.

It's been nearly two months since the last post over on my previous blog and clearly a lot has happened.

I am still without employ, though I did have a part time job doing great work for an important no-profit here in the area
I've also been going all out on a fundraising project to honor Abbie Hoffman he's a personal hero and I'd like to see my alma mater do something to honor it's most influential son. I've had some progress on this project and hope to have more to report soon.

Last evening I attended a fundraiser for a presidential candidate with a good friend, she is a republican but had fun anyway.

I met a young woman who happens to still be at my alma mater recently, she's smart, funny, caring, liberal, Jewish, attractive, and apparently interested in yours truly, but alas she's back home for the summer, the fall is a new time however and we will hopefully get a chance to learn more about one another between now and then. Who knows what will happen but she makes me smile, that's all I really am concerned with for now.o

The world seems to be in a panic over SARS, the death rate is actually relatively low and it's not that different from West Nile, it's new, it's scary, give it six months, WHO will tell us all what to do, and things will be ok.

Explain to me would you, why people are surprised that Iraqis want us to leave their nation. They are grateful that we ousted Saddam, something they acknowledge they couldn't do on their own, but they do not want us hanging around and running a nation for them, they are intelligent people and it's perfectly rational to be concerned about us becoming an occupying force.

This trend of college athletic coaches loosing their jobs for things that we almost expect out of our politicians is saddening to me, the guy from Iowa State had a drinking problem and was forced out, and the football coach at Alabama went to a strip club, and lost his job for that, good thing we don't try and help alcoholics, and that no other guys have ever gone to a strip cub, oh wait,

So one of my best friends from Maine is getting married in a few short weeks. I am really happy for him, scared because with all the impending weddings I feel like I am much older than I really am but it's really great to see so many of my dear friends finding the bliss each of them deserves

Though I am still without a job, and certainly dismayed about that, I feel like I am much happier than I was the last few years, it's been just about two years since I last the walked hallowed halls of Brandeis and I may not have a huge bank account, or an impending graduate degree to show for it, I may be living on a shoestring, but I know that in time I will go where my song takes me, where I am supposed to be, and I will realize that through all the pain and all the joy, all the success and failures, when I look back on it all and asses what I made out of this brief flicker of time we all have, that I will have made the right choices, dreamed the right dreams, sung the right songs, and learned that there only was one choice.

posted by Adam Wednesday, May 14, 2003